Forever Changed

Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home
July 8, 2011
The journey home followed the same theme that I had going on in India…Expect the unexpected. We left base at 2am just to start heading to the airport. There were raids and strikes going on that day so just to play it safe we wanted to give ourselves plenty of time to arrive for my flight even if we were stopped at barricades. We had no problem getting there luckily. Everything seemed to be going smoothly except for having the windows down on the drive in the middle of a rain storm and our driver running though a puddle and me getting splashed with dirty water. But like everything else that happens in India you just have to laugh. Goodbyes are never fun. The people I have met have meant the world to me and I will truly miss them. I was about to check my baggage when they informed me that my flight has been delayed two hours. Instead of leaving at 6:45 it was now to part at 8:30. Normally this really would not have been a huge issue, but my connection in London was leaving at the time I was to arrive. According to everyone I talked to to try and figure a way to make it they said it was impossible for me to catch. When someone in India says something is impossible…trust me...they really mean it. In most cases if you really need something to be done you can just pay someone off. They informed me that I would in fact miss my connection in London, gave their sincere apologies, and insured me that they would provide me a hotel in London for the night at their expense. In my head I was thinking hey that’s really not so bad… I can go explore London for a few hours and have dinner at a pub or something, get some rest, and then continue my journey home. However the only problem with this was that I would already be missing 2 days of intense summer school and if I did not get home missing 3 days would literally be a death sentence to my brain. I know I needed to find a way home. After arriving in London, still tried after getting maybe only 2 hours of sleep on a 10 and a half hour flight, I waited in a terribly long line to arrange the new flight plans. I was literally overwhelmed by the amount of white people I saw! I felt like I was in this whole new world. What was really neat though was making friends with some of the Indians on my plane. I realized how judgmental we are as a human population…including myself. I have been so used to Indian culture and I absolutely love the sarees and sawarrs that they wear, but coming into a western culture wearing that its amazing to look at everyone’s faces who stare at them and begin to chuckle, whisper, and make cruel jokes. I was so upset and bothered by the people in India who stared at me for being white, but realizing just how much we stare at people with a different culture and judge them more harshly then they judge us… it sort of humbles you in a way and gives you more compassion and understanding for people. I kinda feel connected with my Indian friends now. Almost as if I understand where they are coming from and what it feels like to be judged immediately by what you’re wearing, what color your skin is, or how you look.
After finally being able to talk to an employee I found out there was one more way for me to get home. There was a flight leaving for Newark, NJ in an hour and from there I could catch another airlines connection to Houston. With much contemplation I decided that although this would be the stressful option…all I really wanted to do at this point was to get home. The lady who worked with me was such a huge help. She booked my tickets, gave me the new itinerary, and sent me with special privileges along the fast track way though security! It was kinda nice to skip the HUGE line, but at the same time there really was absolutely no time for me to waste. I literally was running though the airport to try to catch the flight that I desperately did not want to miss. Security has never moved slower and they took away my mango juice that I got in India. That stuff was so good and I was really looking forward to drinking it, but I had no time to argue or complain…I had a plane to catch. I ran though the massive crowd of people and down the escalator and when I reached the gate they gave the final boarding call and I was the last one through the gate. I made it…but barley. Exhausted and worried about sparing enough time to catch my next flight I was in no mood to talk to the nice German boys next to me. The flight was packed and I found out that I did in fact get the very last seat. I tried to get as much sleep as I could on this flight, but of course the quality of sleep on airplanes is never very good. I suppose I basically was like a walking zombie at this point. Especially now looking back at it all that I really don’t remember much. As we landed I waited anxiously to get off the plane…I had less than an hour to get to my next flight. Here I had to go through customs as well as security… I prepared m self mentally to run and boy did I ever run. Being stuck in London for the night didn’t seem so bad, but there was no way that I wanted to be stuck in NJ for the night. The one good thing about being in NJ was that I was one step closer to being home and I could actually use my phone to call my mom and let her know what time she may or may not be able to pick me up. She was totally surprised to hear I was in NJ. I spoke to her in Hyderabad on an overpriced phone call to let her know that I more than likely would be in London for the night and thus arrive at home on the 7th rather than the 6th. I booked it though customs and then ran to the nearest ticket counter that would print me out my boarding pass…they only words they had for me were “I would hurry if I were you if you want to catch that flight…” As if I was not already worried and exhausted enough… I found a few hundred feet later that to get to the terminal I needed to be at I had to catch the tram. The people on the tram were all so funny and nice. I told them my situation and they were so helpful. As we were on the tram you could see the outline of New York City! I haven’t been there myself yet, but hey I saw the skyline which was at least something. As the tram began to move forward my body apparently was way more exhausted than I even realized. The person next to me had to catch me from falling. Because I have been sitting and flying for so long my bodies balance was entirely thrown off. They laughed at me of course. Finally made it to the terminal, but no joke I have never seen security move slower. I was watching the time tick down and the panic begin to set in…I just wanted to get home. Finally made it though…and once again as soon as I arrived at my gate the boarding had just began… I made it, but barley. The flight was very empty which was nice. I had three seats to myself where I just laid down and finally got some decent sleep for about an hour or so. The plane arrived in Houston at 11:45 ish. It was a nice reunion with my mom who came and picked me up. I can’t help but laugh at the tears she was shedding. I think I was too tired to really understand that I was home in America. I was just happy to be at a secure destination. We waited and waited for my luggage, but not to my surprise, it never showed up. We talked to several people and they said they would get it sent to us today when it arrived, but as of today at midnight it has still yet to show up.
After getting into college station from Houston it was so nice to have an actual shower and then sleep in probably the most comfortable ever. I didn’t get bug bites, and I was not sweating my entire water weight out…it was amazing. Really…these are maybe some of the things I appreciate most about America (besides our freedom of course). I had to get up the next day for summer school. After already missing two days of only a 5 week course… I feel so behind and can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do to catch up. The professor was really helpful though and gave me a good over view of what I need to do exactly to quote on quote “keep my head above the water”. He even called me crazy at one point for even trying to take this class. I have this huge motivation behind me though and although it is not an ideal situation for me to be taking this class right now when all I want to do is rest and process, I see the end result of it all. I know the weekend will bring little rest, if at all, but I am hoping for at least a little room to breathe in the following days so I can tell my family and friends what exactly I have experienced and show them pictures of the people who I will hold close to my heart forever. I don’t know exactly what the Lord has in store for me as far as returning to India. I would love to go back at some point to see my friends and use my new skill after school, to make an even larger impact. Everyone I have met and the organization I was with will be in my prayers and thoughts constantly.

Day 41

Day 41
July 4, 2011
Happy 4th of July America!! Who would have thought we could be so patriotic in such a far away land half way across the world from home. Even our Indian friends greeted us with handshakes and had at least a little fourth of July spirit. At dinner we even had a brilliant argument about different countries conquering parts of the work..ugh UK… it was three Americans verses one English person and one Indian. Probably the funniest conversation ever! It even ended with the star spangled banner being sung by one of the girls. After dinner I just talked to some of the friends I have made here. We talked about nothing really important, but I couldn’t help but think how much I truly am going to miss my friends here. My Indian friend “GW” is probably the funniest guy I have met… no matter what mood he is in he is always laughing and finds a way to crack a joke. Honestly, I never know when he is being serious of joking because he is always laughing. His laughs are contagious though and the more time you spend with him the funnier he gets… especially with his Indian accent.
We stated the day bright and early with sun rise yoga… wait did I say yoga… I meant sun rise Insanity. Literally insanity… It was our first workout in the second session and it was a killer, but totally worth it afterwards. Instead of going to the clinic in the morning today I went out with the slum ministry to NCL 1 and 2. It was really neat to compare it to all the other slums I have been too. Although the people were great and a slum is still a slum… I still have this deep connection and passion for the people of Mud Fort. I just see so much true need and help there. Going to a slum with a non-medical mission however is quite different then what I am used to. I like going to try and help a person’s physical needs so that then they can take care of their spiritual ones, but going to just sit with kids and color was great and all, but not really my thing. Once again I think that confirms that teaching is not my forte.
After the slum I was so tired. I really wanted to go sleep for like 3 hours, but I know that my time is ticking here and I don’t want to spend it laying around in a room that I have been in for 6 weeks. Instead I decided to go fulfill my mango craving I have been having for the past two days. It was the first time, I guess you can say, that I left the comforts of my home base alone. I walked up the road to suchitra  probably spelt that wrong, but it basically means the cross roads. I walked up there to a grocery store called spencer’s to get a few last minute things to bring home like chi tea, but I also wanted to look at the mangos they had… they were not very good and they were overpriced. So I walked a little further up and on the other side of the road they have an array of fruit vendors, bakers, and the like. I found the best mangos over there! I had one after dinner! My goal was to have one mango per day until the time I left, but I broke that promise to myself so tomorrow I will be making up for it. I have three mangos left…one for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! I am sure they will all be in between meals, but no matter when I eat them I know that they will not disappoint! If you couldn’t already tell I am a bit obsessed with mangos.
After my mango adventure I went down to the clinic just for a little bit to see what was going on and check in with all the doctors and nurses down there. It was nice down there today just to talk to the other intern from Colorado area who is in his first year of med school. Its interesting to see what all he has learned already within his first year, what his ambitions are, and knowing that one day soon that it could be me! I have so much going for me and I feel so blessed to see a clear vision of what I am meant to do in my life. Although no plans are certain for my future, I do know that God has me on the right track and has placed certain passions and ambitions on my heart that are not easy ones to have. Knowing that he chose me to have these goals is a true honor and I couldn’t feel more happy, blessed, and secure in his plans for me. There are challenging aspects to it for sure, but what would life be without those challenges…?
I started packing today also… sad day. The last few days in India have been some of my favorite which does not make going home any easier. I hope tomorrow, my last full day, goes by slow and allows me to absorb everything I have experienced. I hope goodbyes are not too difficult. I want to rest in the hope that one day God might bring me back here with a new set of knowledge and skills that will truly allow me to transform and make an impact on the lives of the people here. As far as I know now however is that I have so much drive and motivation pushing me forward to pursue the goals that have been placed on my heart.

Day 40

Day 40

July 3, 2011

Today officially marked the end of my final weekend here in India and honestly I could not have imagined it any other way. I had the best time going to church in the morning, going to this amazing craft fair, hard rock café (our 4^th of July party), and the rickshaw ride on the way back was seriously the icing on the cake!

            Church here on base typically poses as a struggle to stay awake. I love the worship, but it’s just very traditional, conservative, and instead of focusing on lessons that can apply directly to your life they focus more on building up the church community. I agree, it is something that needs to be addressed and worked on, especially in India, but I am the type of person who always needs direction and guidance on how I personally can build my relationship with Christ, or sometimes I just need to be reminded that I am not worth to sit in the presence of God alone. Jesus came and died for me so I need to accept the gift and accept the forgiveness that I am offered. Some lessons are harder to hear than others, but also needed for self humblization (if that’s even a word). Today however I realized how much stuff I have encountered and in a way how I don’t want to leave. I know going back home poses its own challenges. I am preparing myself to face them, but I wish I didn’t have to face them. Ultimately it is by choice and just something I know that needs to be done, but in the end it does not have to mean that I personally want to do it. However, by following though with my intended plan, I see the bigger goal ahead that will make a larger impact on my life and mission.

When the songs were playing today I couldn’t help but see the faces of people I have interacted with. I don’t know if you have ever had that feeling or sensation, but this sort of reflection for me served as both happy memories and sadness for leaving it all behind. I got a lot of journaling done during the sermon, whether that is a good or a bad thing, but either way I had a chance to really be honest with myself and God, although some things I admitted were difficult to swallow. It helped remind me that God does have a plan. He always has. He continues to be faithful to me no matter what direction my life takes, but why is it that I still don’t trust Him? Why is it that I still try to live for myself and convince myself that it is from God? I realized just how little faith I have. Like anyone else who tries to pursue a relationship with Christ, I don’t want it to be this way, but my own sin is what is separating me and making me feel distanced from God.

Anyways, enough with that little rant…let’s move on to brighter subjects of the day. So after church we met a group of girls who are here for 4 weeks from Seattle Pacific University. They seem really nice and all, but in a very mean sort of way I don’t want to get to know them. I basically have like two days left and let’s be honest... how great of a relationship can you form with jet lagged Americans in two days (especially when you won’t be working with them). It sounds bad, but once you’re here for a while and you continue to see people come and go, you have to learn to invest your time in people and friends who will be there for you. If I were here longer then sure I would get to know them more, but my final days here are really going to be filled with though goodbyes. Why add to that list right…? From there we went to this really cool craft fair near high-tech city. You have to pay 25 rupees to get in which comes down to like 50 cents but to pay or not pay… it was totally worth it! It was about and hour rickshaw ride to there from base and there were tons of begging kids outside, which made it difficult, but once we got inside… I can’t believe I am going to say this… but it was like shopping heaven. They had so many different neat little booths filled with everything from amazing hand carved furniture, silk scarves, tapestries, wood work, cloths, food…anything you could probably imagine! The best part was that it was so inexpensive and the haggling of prices was very easy to do. It really is like an art form. I think I have mastered the bartering skill since I have been here…and jay walking.

After our shopping extravaganza we made our way half way back to base to Hard Rock Café. Why would we go to a place like this when you could get some great Indian food…? Simply because it was our way of celebrating America’s Independence day! Call me crazy, but I went for the veggie burger. I honestly do not think my stomach could handle a huge slab of meat right now, especially since I have not had meat in do long. Basically since I have been here the only nutrients I have been getting are carbs, carbs, carbs, and sugar.  Rice with everything. (they give you heaps of it!) Bread such as Nann or parata. Chi tea!!! Although probably one of my obsessions here…I’m pretty sure at least half the cup is pure sugar. We get veggies every once in a while in the curry, but on base I can guarantee you the nutritional value in them is ZERO because they are cooked til completely limp. Desperate times calls for desperate measures! I cannot handle curry in the morning so I have a few things that I make to at least get a little something in my stomach. I have been making this AMAZING chi French toast. I bought some eggs and some honey and yogurt. I beat and egg with a little chi…dip some whole wheat bread that I bought in the mixture… cook it on the skillet… and while it’s still warm I top it with a little e bit of peanut butter (which melts) , honey, and plain yogurt! So yummy! If they have bananas that day as well, I also top it with bananas. This may be one thing I make at home as well. It’s really good! But then again that is compared to curry.

After Hard Rock Café it was on to find the best rickshaw deal. Anything under 200 I would have taken but most of them were trying to charge us 500! I know we are white and clearly not Indian, but we are not dumb to the real cost it would take to get us back to base. By meter it would only be 120, but given the time of night and with traffic I would expect them to charge more. After being surrounded by 15 yelling rickshaw drivers we finally found one that settled for 200 Rs. At one point during my time we here we had a rickshaw race which was so much fun, but I think this rickshaw trip might have topped it! This guy had a full blown speaker system in the back of his rickshaw! It was legit. There were 5 of us crammed into this tiny thing holding shopping bags and all! 4 in the back and one in the front who happened to kind of get hit on by the drive. This guy started out playing some bollywood rap, but it only got better when he put on some Akon…Chingy…and wait for it…Brittany Spears!!! Haha moments like that make me fall in love with the craziness of India. We basically had a club in the back of our rickshaw! In appropriate to be dancing…maybe…but sometimes we can’t help but let our western traditions shine!

Day 39

Day 39

July 2, 2011

Last Saturday in India… last time at Ruci and Adonie…and hopefully the last time with a nasty rickshaw driver. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to barf on the way back to base today. This rickshaw driver we thought was a great bargain seeing as he was going to allow us to be charged according to meter rather than a ridiculously over priced rate… little did we know that we got quite a bit more than what we bargained for. Five minutes into our drive he pulls over to the side of the road near several street vendors. He reputedly asked us to give him rupees. Not for the charge of the ride, but he wanted us to buy him something from the vendors! It would be different if he were some sort of beggar who was starving in a life or death situation, but no… this guy had a whole pocket full of rupees from previous customers. Us buying him a snack was not included in the price. We couldn’t help but laugh. I still can’t get over India. Why do I love this place… your guess is as good as mine. This was not the worst part of our journey home. This rickshaw driver had the nastiest habit of hawking lugies! Uhh… I want to throw up just thinking about the god awful noise he was making as he forcefully hacked mucus up his throat. All three of us in the rickshaw were just waiting for it to fly back and come hit us smack in the face! At one point I thought I was the lucky victim, but to my utter joy and relief it was just a rain drop. After that rain drop hit me it was if all the heavens opened up and God just let the rain fall! It was so nice, although just half of me looked like I just jumped in a pool by the time we got back to base. For the most part it was a very good day; just reflecting, catching up on some important things, and spending the day with some amazing people.

            I wish I could describe full all the things I was feeling right now, but my thoughts are scattered all over the place with no real purpose or meaning behind them. Mainly just hopes, wishes, regrets, callings, and of course “what ifs”… some not even relating directly to India specifically, but because of India the thoughts have come up. I know it may sound confusing because you are not in my head exactly, but as of right now my mind is a very confused place so either way I’m sure you would be lost.

Day 38

Day 38

July 1, 2011

July already…! Today was not the most exciting of days. I went down to the clinic this morning for the usual routine if we are not doing anything else. Went to devotions and then did yet some more research, catching up on emails, and all that other fun stuff that we all just love to do. By the time I knew it however it was time for lunch. My body was so tired today for some reason and I’m not really sure why. I got some sleep last night and as far as I know I wasn’t constantly tossing or turning, but either way, after lunch all I really wanted to do was take a nap. It was more hot than usual today or so it felt. I’m thinking this had something to do with the added fatigue. At lunch however I had the chance to the doctors from Wales. They are so interesting and are so dedicated to their work here in India. I believe they said they have been coming since 1987 or something like that…They are a huge part of the health care worker training that is starting next week. Unfortunately as soon as it starts it will be my time to go home. This week they are working on the health care worker mentor training. These are the people who will look after and assist the healthcare workers once they are out in the field. They invited me to one of their training sessions in the afternoon to get a feel for what they will be in charge of. The session I went to was all about different scenarios they might encounter. There were really some things that I would have never thought of such as how to deal with the hostel people in the villages or even unruly headmasters of the schools. Of course some other scenarios were geared towards how to educate specific groups of people and raise awareness in a community prone to a diverse set of problems. Despite almost falling asleep due to the rhythmic sounds of the fans and a constant breeze to cool me off, I found this lesson very fascinating and useful. I am glad I decided to go. By the time this lesson wrapped up it was already almost five and I don’t think I have been able to stay awake if I spent the next hour and a half observing in the clinic. Therefore I just went back to the room journaled and had a bit of quiet time before dinner. At dinner I was not expecting to have such a great conversation as I did. I sat with the doctors as well as the guy who is in charge of the economic development program here. The economic program is so interesting and it honestly goes hand in hand with the clinical aspects, nutrition, and education. His motto was making something that was already good better. If only I could explain everything that he and his team were working on accomplishing. Our conversation was far better than just what work he was doing here. He really helped me debrief my time here and gave me some words of wisdom. I really needed to have that conversation with someone here that could understand, relate, and speak English and he did just that. I am really thankful when God sends an answer to your hearts needs even when you don’t think you need it yourself.

            I hope my last weekend here is enjoyable and just relaxing honestly. I am ready to get off base for a bit and just explore the city even more than we already have. I’m sure we will hit up most of the spots that we have come to know and feel comfortable going to . Honestly I could care less about what we do. I am more excited to hand out with my friends and leave stress and worries behind, even if it is just for a short while.

Day 37

 Day 37
June 30, 2011
I love Mud Fort so freakin much! How can I even describe the love that I have for this place… It is the dirtiest slum that I have been to in India. Sewage snakes along the beaten paths that maneuver their way through the small homes made of nothing but tarps and cardboard. Trash is piled up in every corner, and women, children, and men alike run around with bare feet. The jobs of nearly everyone in this slum, is to dig though the trash in search of items with any sort of value or worth. Last week everyone got a joy out of finding a plastic snake in one of the trash collections. It is not the poverty, guilt, pity, sorrow, or pain that people are suffering from that leads me to have so much compassion for them, but it is their stories, smiles, hearts, eyes, character, and the endless fountain of love that overflows when they see the clinic pull up. The medical reason why I am there is so vital to this community so I really enjoy doing that side of the ministry, but the time that I spend just laughing with the people, letting them use my camera to take pictures of each other, or teaching them a cool handshake --tops any joy that I have ever felt before.
Today it hit me that it would be my last visit to Mud Fort for a very long time. I sat in silence watching and observing the people who I have come to recognize and the ones who in turn have changed my life. Their joy running around the slum causes me to forget that their situation is not something that is normal or even acceptable in society, especially in America. I always wondered what love really was. How could it be defined? I believe there are so many different types of love, but a love for people and humanity is a feeling I feel empowered and filled with right now. I am in love with the community in Mud Fort…women, children, and even the men! I am truly going to miss them. Everything about them…their smiles, their tears, their open arms, their love, and their acceptance of me into their homes. Not every slum or village is welcoming to outsiders, especially Christians or white people, so to feel so loved in a community that I don’t deserved to be loved in means so much.
I think the neatest thing about my visits to mud fort was to compare my first visit to the last. The first time we went this whole thing was totally new to me. I was in shock of the condition and I didn’t even know what to say to the people really. We stood behind the shadows of the doctors letting them do the talking and just trying not to get in the way. There were some moments of long carried out silences just starring at each other, but when we brought out the cameras all silence and language barriers were broken. With each visit more and more relationships began to form and people actually anticipated our arrival on the huge rolling mobile clinic. Even today, as soon as we got there the kids were trying to stand on rocks or other objects that would allow them to see into the bus just to wave at us. When I got off they all grabbed my hand and showed me to the patients who we do the weekly checkups on. Of course they asked for the camera again, and after going through some of the pictures that they took… wow..They really shook me at my hearts core. Their idea of how to capture beauty is way better than I could have ever done. I didn’t want to say bye to them today. I taught the kids a handshake that kids in America would do and they thought it was the coolest thing. Normally if a kid respects you they call you “teacher” which was what I was called by our second visit, but today I was not teacher, but “Didi” which goes beyond respect, but love. It really touched me and I couldn’t help but smile and be filled with joy. I got to see a new part of the slum with new people and they were all so beautiful and so nice! They don’t deserve to be in the situation that they are in because of deeply rooted cultural stigmas. I want them to be free from the pain and suffering!
After observing on the mobile clinic and helping the doctor to the best of my ability, one of the ladies I met three weeks ago called me over. She mentioned that she wanted to do Henna on me three weeks ago, but I really just thought it would be something she would forget about. Maybe even forget me… but I went over expecting just to talk to her and she pulls out a tube of Henna. Henna is basically like a temporary tattoo that lasts for about a week or so. She did the most beautiful design on my arm and I now feel completely and totally Indian. I am so glad I had a chance to get it done before I left, because now I feel like I have experienced so much of what the culture is about. The only thing about henna is that it takes time to dry and she started the process with about 20 minutes before we had to leave to come back to base. So the whole ride back I was trying to avoid touching things or even moving really. Eating lunch was also interesting and nearly impossible, but thanks to the help of some kind Indian friends I was able to silence my rumbling tummy.
I know that I am a very indecisive person to begin with, but why can’t I figure out just how I am feeling. It like whiplash…one moment I feel like things are winding down and I am preparing myself mentally to come home, but then the next moment I am totally moved and dread having to say bye to so many people and things. My thought process is that I am still in India and have time to enjoy all the things that I have been doing, but when I finish each task or activity I can’t help but ask myself if I will ever get to do that again… I know I have a lot going for me and even more motivation now that I know I have a purpose and meaning. God is doing amazing things and each day he continues to move, surprise, and challenge me in new ways.

Day 36

Day 35
June 29, 2011
God is so beautiful and amazing!!! When I look back on memories and pictures I cannot be more moved to realize how many faces I have encountered and how each one individual has affected my life to some extent. I know God has a purpose for everything, but my new question for him is what the heck is his purpose for making me have so many darn mosquito and ant bites? I would say I don’t think I could get anymore, but we all know that tomorrow morning when I wake up again there will be even more lovely dots to add to the collection on my skin. Thanks Becky (girl living next to me) for letting me use your ant killer… I am hoping that this will at least limit the number I will get tonight. And as for the mosquitoes…let’s not even talk about it. I really just think it is a lost cause.
Today was a slow day for me although it did go by fast… I know that really contradicts itself, but the way time works here is a funny thing. Here in India everyone tries to run from place to place as fast as they can because there is so much to always get done, but its funny when you look around and just see people sitting or walking aimlessly in circles. It is one of those paradoxes that just can’t be fully explained unless you see and experience it for yourself. I went down to the clinic this morning for devotions did a little research on hyper and hypo tension and defined the difference between impaired, handicapped, disabled, and dysfunction. Sounds interesting I know right! (sarcasm). I know it may sound a bit ridiculous to be doing that sort of research on a summer holiday, but trust me when you see things like this everyday you are always eager to learn more and as much as possible! After all my fun research I went to help my good friend Washington on some of his work that he needed to get done. He is in charge of the clinic’s financial expenditure. Currently we have a pharasutical dealer who, when comparing to other companies, is over charging us a ridiculous amount. Some of the prices are nearly triple of what the real cost should be! The obvious change is to switch companies, which is a work in progress, but there is a lot of in between documentation and lists that must be completed and presented. It was interesting to see another side to the clinic besides the direct patient care. It really makes you appreciate all the work that is being done by each individual even if it is not something that you can directly observe.
Tomorrow is my last day to go on the mobile clinic to Mud Fort! I don’t think it has hit me yet all the experience that I will soon have to call my last… I really really enjoy going on the mobile clinic. Everyone on there creates the best work environment and makes me laugh non-stop amidst the suffering and poverty we endure. I think when you are surrounded by such an encouraging group of people, it is so easy to overlook and not fully comprehend the patients you are dealing with and the background that they are coming from. I was thinking and wishing today that I really could feel the power of prayer myself. I see God answer prayers all the time in my life, but I wish I could be more aware on a daily basis of His presence and that he is listening and is living in me! My new goal for this week that I wish I would have started way earlier into this trip is pray for every single person as an individual who walks into the clinic with a need, or even just a person I encounter. Of course I pray for the clinic and patients we see every day and I thank God for the work he is doing, but I really want everything to be more individualized. If God took the time to choose me and create me to such a specifically I think it is only right and fair that I treat his other children just like that. I not only think it would help the people I interact with, but I really feel like this could help me grow on my personal walk even more. I challenge everyone to join me on this experiment. Try praying for those around you as you pass them on the side walk, or hand them cash at the checkout. Everyone could use a little more prayer in their lives and why not start now? I thank God everyday for allowing me to be here despite the challenges I have been facing on a daily basis. Each day although similar in nature can teach me far different lessons each time. Thanks again for your prayers and support. I am excited to come home and really be able to share with you each individual the miracles that God has done in my life as well as in the lives of his children in India.

Day 35

Day 35

June 28, 2011

I feel like my body, computer, and so many other things really hate me right now. Not that it is quite a big deal anymore, but we have been without AC for 2 weeks or so now. Luckily the nights have gradual gotten cooler, but it’s mainly because we picked out poison and decided to get an extra breeze in the room by opening the windows without screens. Good news I have been able to get somewhat of a decent rest the past two nights or so…bad news… I now look like a leopard mainly on my arms and ankles. The mosquitoes and ants have apparently taken advantage of a free buffet. The buffet being me unfortunately. With my luck, I will be coming home with malaria. It’s not that I am sick exactly, but my body this whole time I have been here, even with working out, has not felt normal. I can’t decide if it’s the spicy food, my body fighting constantly against bacteria and other parasites, or just being under so much stress and emotion. Whatever it is that is taking a toll on me, I am ready just to feel normal again. I have been trying to take my multivitamins everyday, but no joke this is what makes me feel the most sick. I have tried so many different ways to try them, but no matter what a nauseated feeling soon follows taking them. After one point of taking them I actually threw up twice. So from here on out I say screw the multivitamins and hope that the curry of the day will have more than broth and an array of spices. I just want veggies and fruit! The bananas and mangos here are the bomb though! My friends and I after exploring the area we are in found this lady who was selling the juiciest looking bananas ever! She cut them right of the vine! This was a great experience minus the fact that shortly after an Indian man thought it would be funny to play chicken with us on his motorcycle…he definitely won. If we wouldn’t have jumped out of the way there would be no doubt in my mind that we would have been hit. I have decided I hate the streets of India. All the honking is really unnecessary and when it comes to rules… well there are none.

            I apologize ahead of time if the next week of blogs sounds so repetitive. I can’t help but think how fast time has gone and dwell on the fact that I have just a little time left. It has been a constant thought in my mind for the mere fact that there is some excitement to come home, but yet also realizing the lives, people, and culture that I will be leaving behind. Since today was officially my first day without a roomie I had a lot of time just to reflect. I have been working on my own little project in my spare time here to share with people when I get back home, and after watching it I realized how high my emotions have been running throughout this journey without me even realizing it. I have never been the type of person to wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, but the emotions I have felt here are unlike any other I have experienced before. There are filled with moments or joy, but also accompanied in sorrow. I reflected on the times that I have made mental breakdowns here and I remembered the people who were at the root of them. I hope to take so much away from my time here. Even today down in the clinic I just had to laugh on the verge of tears of how much I will miss the personalities in the clinic. Throw some Indians in trying to speak English and explain things and it is just a recipe for what we call the comedy clinic. All the personalities are so funny and diverse! I love just sitting and listing to everyone, even if it is a slow day patient wise. You have Annie one of the nurses, who is so bold in here directions with you. No fear or shame to be direct. She is one of the older ladies there with highest pitched voice ever and quite possibly the best laugh! Although she likes to yell a lot for no reason, you cannot help but love her sarcasm. Ahh then you have George Washington (yes, that is his real name)… I really think he may be the funniest Indian I have ever met! I will miss this guy so much! I can never tell is he is serious or joking, because he is always laughing! Usually at himself… but his laugh is so contagious. First you are confused at what exactly he is even laughing at, but then his laugh just makes you laugh even if it is at nothing. He is always so nice, friendly, and the life and personality of the clinic. You wouldn’t think he is as hard of a worker as he really is because he is always walking around talking to people, but after seeing what he does you learn to appreciate all the hard work and dedication he has put into the clinic. I really appreciate his spirit and the now more frequent English lessons he is giving me. Who would have thought that and Indian could give you and English lesson…. Granted I think I am still right in my pronunciation of things…don’t listen to what the Indians or British people tell you… they are still just bitter about the past. Pricilla the head nurse, although came back from holiday halfway into my journey, she has quickly became a person I am drawn to, respect, and admire. She wants to continue her education to become a doctor and has currently been working on a presentation to teach at the upcoming healthcare worker training. She is so smart and so willing to help me learn. I actually got to pretend to be her student when she was practicing her presentation on blood pressure. She helped me whether she knew it or not get though one of my roughest times here. I will miss her a lot. Dr. Rivathi has been so great! I love sitting with her as she see’s patients. She does such an amazing job translating and explaining to us what she is diagnosing and what she prescribes as treatment. When I first met her I thought she was the shy, quiet type, but boy was I ever wrong. She is a feisty one…especially when Washington is around. They both give each other such a hard time about life, work, and what each one of them says. She is so funny and always has the best comebacks. I could sit and listen to the two of them debate back and forth for hours! Dr. Rivathi is also the doctor that is primarily in charge of going to Mud Fort on the mobile clinic. I appreciate her hard work and dedication to these people. She has a huge heart for them and truly cares for their well being. Danny, the driver of the mobile clinic/pharmacist/EMT is one character. He loves the obnoxiously loud horn on the huge mobile clinic and to top it off wears the biggest glasses ever (but just when driving). He is so sarcastic as well and has a hilarious personality once you get to know him. Honestly the first time I met him I thought there was something mentally wrong with this guy, but he is so great! I have loved getting the opportunity to get to know him and be able to throw some sarcastic jokes right back at him. He really is just like a little kid in a grown man’s body. All the cleaning ladies in the clinic I absolutely adore. All of them just have the biggest smiles on their face when they see you. Although none of them speak English and I can’t understand a word they are saying, I really feel that we can communicate without words if that even makes sense to you. I know without a doubt if they spoke English or I spoke telugu that we would have so many great conversations and that I would love them more than I already do! They also bring me chi every day so that alone should make you love them! Ahhh there are still so many people I want to talk about, but I have an early morning tomorrow and need to get some sleep. So hopefully soon to come you can hear all about Dr. Baryl, Allison, Menhesh, Mary Gold, Lydia Grace, Snehal, Caliani, Jothie, and so many others! At this point I really feel like I could write a novel! Until tomorrow…Nameste

Day 33

Day 33
June 26, 2011
Didn’t write yesterday, but I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this past weekend with the girls. I think I took 4 showers and a bath within 24 hours! Seriously the best thing ever and hands down the cleanest I have felt so far in the past 5 weeks. When we first arrived at the hotel they greeted us like they would in Hawaii by giving you lays, but instead of lays they gave us pearls (fake of course). You should have seen the layout of this place! Very modern and up to date. In my sister’s words, “I would have never guessed there could be a place like that in India!” Which is very true, but only the upper castes could ever imagine affording to come here. That was one of the things I first noticed when we walked in was how different the people were in the hotel than the ones that I have been working with and getting to know in the slums, medical camps, and clinic. The personalities and attitudes were also very different, as one could expect. Instead of normal people just staring at you, we had rich Muslims and Hindu’s who kept their wives covered in head to toe in a black veil, staring at us with disgusting thoughts in their minds. Ahh some of the men sicken me here (another story about this later on). The people that worked here catered to your every need, but the people staying there were very rude and demanding to the workers. At dinner this one guy honestly could not be satisfied with one of the open tables because his view was not good enough… I get the view part, but when its dark outside and there is nothing to see anyways but you reflection…come on…really? After relaxing poolside all day and reading an entire book we were ready for dinner. Dinner was a very funny and interesting thing. I expected the prices to be high, but for India especially there were ridiculously over priced. For the price I expected the food to be way better. It was good, but the portions were tiny and I have definitely had WAY better food than that. One girl ordered something that was expected to take a little longer, but she didn’t get her food until the rest of us were done by at least 10 minutes. They ended up admitting they forgot about her meal. The girls wanted dessert, but everything they wanted that was on the menu… of course they didn’t have. Only in India… but once they finally got something that they thought would satisfy them it end results and taste was very disappointing. This hotel had a club in the bottom if so for the experience of it all we thought why not… ha well we go down there and honestly I didn’t even know that Indians could reach that size… the bouncers were huge and there was like 12 of them all crowded around which made everything super uncomfortable and awkward. We go into the club and looked around and decided that it was time for us to go for multiple reasons. We walked around and explored the rest of the hotel until we decided to call it a night back in the rooms. We watched a movie for a bit, but to end the night I had an amazing warm bath with a cup of tea! Seriously one of the best things ever. I have never slept so well in my life, or at least here in India. I “slept in” til 7. After having such a good night of actually sleeping I realized how much I have not been sleeping back on base… at least not well. For the first time I felt completely rested and recharged. After waking up to a warm cup of coffee I went down to the workout center and just did a light workout. Then I sat by the infinity pool watching the birds, the lake, and people walking by. It was such a nice time to reflect before breakfast. The breakfast was the best breakfast I could have imagined. At this point I wish my stomach was larger and I could handle more food so I could have tried EVERYTHING there. They has fresh squeezed juices including mango, carrot, cucumber, and watermelon! I finally got my mango lassie which was so good! Totally worth waiting for. Cheeses, breads, pastries, cereal galore… dried fruit…VEGGIES!!! Parata and other Indian dishes…They had so much more, but these were the basics… they also had an unlimited coffee bar where I went totally American and had hot chocolate… I think I ate way too much for my own good. I didn’t feel guilty at all until I got back to base and realized how fat I felt! I ended up going to they gym and running on a beat up treadmill for an hour. It actually felt really nice, but Sundays are supposed to be my off days from exercising. I also walked with the girls down to Spencer’s the local grocery market and I don’t know why it was like this today except for maybe me being in my gym cloths (long pants and T-shirt) but I have never wanted to flick off, yell at, and kick so many men in my life. They are all so immature honking, whistling, cat calling… ughh… makes me so sick. This one car had the loudest, highest pitched honk ever and would not lay off of it. He slammed on his breaks right next to us… stated blowing kisses and yelling then he practically ran over a guy on his motorcycle!! The poor guy flew off of it, hit one of the girls and scraped up his arm. They guys in the car pretend to care and jumped out of their car to pretend to help… After the guy on the bike finally drove off with just a few scraped we stated walking again… the car that just hit this guy… laid on his horn again…sped right next to us… made kissy faces, and stupid noises at us again! As if he had not learned already… I really just wanted to punch him so bad. All the little boys here are so cute and I just pray to God that they do not end up like their father’s or the generation above them! Honestly the men here make me sick and I don’t know if I can say that enough. (don’t get me wrong there are plenty of nice ones and a couple who have become my good friends, but nether the less… I am still sickened by some).

Day 31

Day 31

June 24, 2011

Today went by surprisingly fast. Sometimes just days observing in the clinic can go by painfully slow (especially when there are no patients), but toady in the morning I felt like there was a continuous flow of people and visitors coming in which was really nice. One lady in particular stood out to me. She was an older woman. Six months ago she was in a motor cycle accident that caused her to break her shin bone. It was still bothering her after six months of being splinted up so she came in for an evaluation. After another x-ray it was found that her bones have not yet mended themselves together again. After 6 months this is something that should have been healed. The first thing I noticed was that she did not have any crutches, so by constantly putting weight on a broken bone like this how would it even be possible for it to recover completely? When I asked why she didn’t have crutches it is because it is too expensive, she wouldn’t know how to use them to begin with, and crutches are something that are not very prevalent in India. Another reason for this improper healing is diet and it could have been set wrong from the the first splint she got. Now for this older women even to have a chance at a simi-full recovery she will have to go to a specialist (if she can afford it), and they will have to go in and break it all over again. I know that so many cases occur  where someone had to have their bones rebroken, but if you could have seen the condition of this woman I think you would agree that her frail body would be unable to handle this sort of strain again.

            Yesterday was a weird day of both hello’s and goodbyes. We have three new interns. Two more are form the UK and will be going about 12 hours south tomorrow to work in the AIDS/HIV clinic. They are also in medicine so its always nice to talk to people with similar interests. I got to know the other intern from CO a little bit more also. He just finished his first year of Med school so it was interesting to hear about how my future could look. So much studying, but very rewarding in the end. Now for the goodbye… my dear friend who has been with me though out this entire process has been such a strong woman admit her pain. She got a rash a couple of weeks ago which turned into shingles. Shingles is a very painful infection that is a mature spin off of the chicken pox. With a week left, there was no point in trying to fight the pain with getting sleepless nights and a rundown immune system. For these reasons it was the best decision for her to book a plane ticket home for this Monday. Honestly, I first thought she was joking…but I was wrong. Of course I will be sad that she is going to be leaving, but I am also glad to hear how the Lord is teaching her to let go and trust in him. After spending a month or so in the hospital after her prior mission trip, I am also glad to know that she is learning to know her limits when it comes to health. She will be truly missed her on base not just by me, but by so many people who have come to know her as a part of our family. I hope that one day we will all be able to reunite again. I am going to miss everyone here so much. Luckily though I don’t have to say bye until Monday! Until then we are going to have one amazing weekend at the Park Hotel here in Hyderabad were we will get to have a nice shower, beds, AC, workout room, nice food, and even a pool!! Ahhh I am soo excited… I’m feeling a bit spoiled of course, but I do feel blessed to have this opportunity and to spend it with such an amazing group of people.

Day 30

Day 30
June 24, 2011
I don’t really have a lot to say about today. It was just a lot of reflecting on my time here and a lot of the same questions I have been asking myself since I have been here. Today was another day that we were able to go out on the mobile clinic to mud fort. I still really enjoy going there to talk to all the people (or at least attempt too). We had a lot of staff on the clinic today which was actually really nice. I realized how much I really do cherish the relationships I have formed here. It was such good company yesterday and a nice break to all the extremely emotionally draining days that we have had in the beginning of the week. One case though that was really sad yesterday was of this 14 year old boy. He came in with a fractured/broken foot. He will need an x-ray to tell for sure, but either way he was in pain when he walked. I found out that just recently both of his parents hung themselves and he has no idea why. So now as a 14 year old he is working as a child laborer to try to support himself and his younger brother. He has no other relatives. I just couldn’t even imagine.
This weekend I am really looking forward to. One of the girls here booked a extremely nice hotel for us just to spend some last minute times together before people start to go home. I can’t wait to just go swim in a pool, relax, unwind, and process though some of the thought I have been having. I think all of the girls have been having a really rough week so I really think this weekend will be a great time for all of us to discuss what we have learned, continue to learn, struggle with, and hope to get out of the rest of our journey here. I really only have a little over a week left. Honestly home is beginning to sound really nice, but I know that I will miss the time I have spent here no matter how difficult it has been at times. One this I really am looking forward to is not sleeping on a bed that feels more like a rock, having a pillow that actually moves when you lay your head on it, and not sweating immediately even after you get out of the shower. My goal though is to take in every moment here as if were the last and make the most of it! I don’t want to spend the rest of my time here fantasizing about the comforts to come, but I rather just want to live in the moment and cherish every second.

Day 29

Day29
June 22, 2011
Although I dreaded going back to Uddamarry today for the mere fear of exposing myself to more brokenness, it actually turned out to be one of the better days we have spent there. The teachers and staff are all so friendly. We started the day out by going to the local slum that is near the Uddamarry area. The team we are with have been serving this area for only three years, but you can already see the progress they have made. Although a slum is still a slum, the area is still far cleaner than is Mud Fort, which our team just began going to this past year. We walked though the slum until we reached a shed like building that was serving as the school. Really this building was just a series of tin pieces overlapping each other and held up by wooden posts. It is probably as far as an image of school that you could imagine, but it’s not what the building looks like, but rather what is being accomplished there. There are only two teachers for about 60 students. They are only split into two groups. One is a set of younger kids who today were focusing on learning the alphabet. The other group was slightly older who were focusing on short three letter words, although some were a little more advanced than that. You can only try to teach a kid an alphabet for so long and then the attention span is just gone so the alphabet turned into me doodling figures on the white board and asking them what it was. Of course the younger ones had no clue, but they at least go a laugh out of me trying to draw things. After aimlessly sketching stick figures we moved onto just playing games and singing songs. This one song called “fruit salad” is my absolute favorite. No worries I will perform it for you when I get home and you will see how catchy it is!
After visiting the slum we made our way to the school which was still about 25 minutes away. We just sat in on a few classes as we tried to swat away all the flies that were infesting my bubble. All the other kids there though seemed hardly bothered by the fact that there annoying little creatures were circling their heads and tickling their legs. I guess when you’re surrounded by that sort of nucence every day you eventually learn to ignore it. All the kids were giggling at us… but trust me it was not funny. Okay oaky… I guess if I saw two silly foreigners swating aimlessly at their faces I might have thought it would have been just a little funny. After the classroom visits we had a chance to take a short drive down the road to the clinic that serves some of the villages. Someone told me yesterday to keep an open mind about this clinic, and boy were they right. I am glad there is something there for the people who need help, but nothing can really be accomplished but dressing small wounds and providing basic drugs such as asprin and cough syrup. Basically if someone were in a life or death situation they would be getting no help from this clinic which was about the size of a very small storage shed. The healthcare worker is not even allowed to give immunizations or injections at this clinic. In a way I honesly hardly see the point of having a clinic there without a doctore to run the place. It just adds to the list of frustrating things here. On that note one thing I am really looking forward to when getting home is having people understand me. The Indians are nice because they nod their head and pretend to understand what you are saying, but lets be honest… most of them hardly have a clue what I am saying. Boy is God ever testing my patience here.
The best part of the day came at the very end. Two of the ladies who work at the school, after getting permission, took us to the gardens that surrounded the school. It was so much fun! They picked for us the freshest of the fresh mangos strait from the tree! They were so freakin good! Mangos and chi might be the things I miss the most from India. The mangos here are unlike any of the mangos you will ever taste in the U.S.! YUMMMY! I have decided that I will eat at least one mango a day until I have to leave… I kinda wish I could just bring a mango tree home with me, but I don’t think they would let me though customs if that were the case. After walking though the forest of mango trees we walked down this gravel path to an abandoned chicken farm. There we met a family who so graciously let us wash our hands from the sticky mangos and presented us with the gift of a papaya! Such a fruit filled day I’m telling you. I looked a bit ridiculous walking back onto school grounds with a mango in one hand and a papaya in another. I have never had a papaya before today. It kinda reminded me of a mix between a watermelon and cantaloupe. It was okay, but I definitely think I will be sticking to the mangos and bananas for my daily intake of fruit!
I was so glad to be back on base tonight though. The visits to Uddamarry have been long and exhausting. I am excited to finally be going back out on the mobile clinic tomorrow with a few of my favorite people! I can’t believe that this week is already almost over. I don’t understand where time goes sometimes. We have all been so tired latly… one we all wake up early to get a workout in and the we never sleep at night because we are constantly sweating. Today after getting back from the school I took of my Indian cloths and threw on some shorts which were so comfortable, but I cannot tell you how disappointed I was to have to put back on pants to go down to dinner. I am going to go back home to TX and see everyone walking around half naked in shorts and hardly know what to do with myself. Seriously if we go to work here without a dubata (scarf) some consider it being half naked and very inappropriate… gotta love the cultural change. Also, I found out to day by some of the ladies that they can only wear jeans if their husbands give them permission. Jeans apparently show off the legs way too much. I think its pretty funny, but at the same time I don’t think I would ever let someone else control me to that extent. I like feeling free and doing whatever I want when I want (in a reasonable means of course). I suppose the freedom I have and feel at home is truly a blessing in itself.

Day 28

Day 28

June 21, 2011

I am not even sure if I can comprehend and explain everything that I saw today to give it justice. It was such a hard day today emotionally. After getting back from Uddamarry, I try to be happy and smile to my friends here, but there is not one inch in me right now that dares forget the people today who have ultimately and potentially changed me forever.

            We began today at the school just sitting in classrooms and did much of the stuff we did yesterday. The plan was to go out to the villages and clinics right away, but our jeep was out making stops to deliver books. One girl who is important later on in the events of today was in one of the classes. You could obviously see a strain in her face, but we did not find out til later on that she was an orphan and was now being watched by her elderly and sickly grandparents. When the jeep returned we made our way out to the village. Our first stop was this girls grandparents. Do you know the monkey in the lion king that holds that little stick and walks around like a hunched old man…? Well if you can get that image in your head that is how most of the elder tribal men walk around. They have no strength left in them to hold up their own body weight. Of course the people ushered us to sit down in chairs while they stood, but this time also gave me a chance to take in my surroundings. A very old woman who was SEVERLY hunched back peered across the rock wall curious to what was going on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her, with her best effort, attempt to make her way over to the scene. This is no exaggeration. When she was “standing up”, because of her hunched back she came up maybe to my middle thigh. She looked like she was in so much pain, but was doing her best just to deal with this hell like reality she was immersed in. Going back to the grandparents… They were in poor health and were in need of medicine and care, but of course the medical camps in this area only come out once a month. If they are in desperate need of course the government run clinics are “available”, but the people who work there really don’t care about the people and plus even the fees for the government hospitals are out of reach for this insanely poor tribal people. Even if they did scratch together their life savings for treatment, many doctors would refuse to treat them because they are considered untouchables. The healthcare worker we were with is good at her job, but she has had just about as much training as we have had. She as an individual can only do so much, and all prescriptions and medicines must come from a doctor. The doctors come out once a month to do medical camps, but this in turn means that people who are in desperate need of care, attention, and medicine, get it once a month. That is if they can physically get there.

            After the seeing the grandparents it first began to hit me how much we take for granted our doctors and other medical care providers. All I wanted at that point was a doctor who was focused primarily in that area who truly cared about the people and wanted to help…put all paychecks aside and care about humanity… If I thought this part was hard the rest of our visits were not to be made any easier. Our next stop was the first time I wanted to leave a scene. It was such a hard thing to experience that I was trying so hard to fight back the pain, emotion, and tears that I felt for these people. Just thinking about it all makes me feel sick in my stomach. We pulled up to this other village and I see a very old women with an extremely wrinkled face, hunched back, teeth rotting, and flies all around her. I was nervous at first getting out of the jeep because I felt like she could have been a character in a haunted house. But God bless her soul. She was such a sweet women. She showed us up to her patio where she was living and I see this grown man behind a tarp crying his eyes out because he was in so much pain and no longer wanted to live. He was sitting on the ground, both of his feet wrapped up in cloth, legs were skin and bone (one side very swollen), and his arms were reached up towards a rope so he could hold himself up. This man had leprosy. He was in so much pain. Not just did he have leprosy, but he couldn’t walk because he had a broken femur (the biggest bone in your leg). I believe he was also positive for AIDS. When you see a grown man crying out in pain like that, only wanting relief, and in thoughts of death, it does something to you that I cannot explain. I wanted to scream out to God and blame Him for making his own children suffer so much. I just don’t understand how there can be so much pain and suffering and no one to care about it enough to take action. When will the world wake up? When will I wake up from my big ideas and really take action? I am not innocent in myself absorbed nature apart from the rest of the world, but I truly hope that this moment alone remains in my mind and serves as a reminder to how and why I want to live my life. This man who was crying out in pain physically was also in emotional torture. His own children abandoned him because he was too much of a financial and physical burden. His wife was still with him though. His wife was the one who we first saw that looked like a walking corpse. When I was taking in all that was around me again I noticed that all of the fingers and toes of this woman was missing. My first thoughts were that someone cut them off, but I later found out she also was a leper. This disease had been eating its way through her flesh and has completely deteriorated her fingers and toes (that is why all the flies were surrounding her). If this were not enough, on the same patio, another elderly woman who was abandoned by family, slowly crawled up the steps. Her body was shaking uncontrollably. After asking the health care worker why, I found out it was because her body was so weak. She goes every day begging for food. She has no strength to support her body or control its shaking. I wish I would have brought my wallet or food with me or something, because without hesitation I would have emptied everything I had to give to these people. As we drove away they smiled at us though rotten teeth. At this point it was harder than ever to hold back the tears. My heart literally hurt. I was ready to go back to the school and at least take my mind off of what I just saw.

However the next turn we took did not take us back to the school, but towards another village. I was hoping and praying that it would not be as horrific of a scene that I just encountered, but God obviously wanted me to see more than I could handle. The next house we went into was a very small concrete square that was completely empty except for a tarp covering part of the concrete floor. It was a home to three women. One was the grandmother, her daughter, and then her daughter’s daughter. All of the husbands either died or left them. They were living on their own…that is not the end of this encounter though. The eldest women had a white cloudy film covering her eyes. She was staring blankly into space following the sounds of our voice… if you could not have already guesses she was blind. She had just recently fractured her ankle because she fell down some steps. The only slightly encouraging this about this house visit thought was that these three women although burdened seemed happy. You could tell they all loved each other and would do anything to support one another. No joke… right next door to them was another couple that the health care worker frequently visits. We began walking towards the door and I see a women just laying there in front of it reaching out to us with her worn and tired hands. She was and elderly women. Her top was torn into basically rags and one of her breast was just hanging out. She was reaching out to us for comfort. She also was crying out in pain and suffering. Both her and her husband are HIV positive and left alone by their children. The women can no longer walk for the pain is too great. She began to weep in agony. She told us how she also no longer wanted to live. She was ready for death. She wanted to be taken out of the sorrow and pain filled world that she had come to know. As we left I just went up to her and held her hand. No one out of love has probably touched her before. I think my biggest pain out of all of this was that I wanted the people we met to know that they are loved and that they are more then what they make themselves out to be.

Throughout this whole trip today I couldn’t help to think back on the Bible and remember the stories of how Jesus healed the lepers and other people who were on the verge of death. I wish that I had Jesus’ healing powers so much today… I know that sounds silly, which it is, but I am at the point that I need something to comfort me to know that these people don’t die thinking they are less than what they are. After seeing all of this they took us back to the school and fed us lunch… Lunch was really the last thing I wanted at this point. I needed to separate myself from the emotions I was feeling and become a brick wall. I did this by attempting the seduko puzzle in the paper and playing a cross word which I gave up on really quickly. The rest of the day I tried to put on a smile and pretend everything was okay, but in my heart I know that I am deeply bothered. When we got back to base and began talking about all we saw today my emotions could not be held in any longer. A good cry was what I needed, but my tears do not do anything to solve a problem. I think I still need some time to unwind and process, but above all else I hope I NEVER EVER forget what I saw today. As hard as it was it can serve as a motivation as to why I am going to school and what I want to do with my knowledge and skills after I acquire them. I really hope that you also get the chance not to see pain and suffering necessarily, but to experience an encounter that motivates you, breaks your heart, and gives you inspiration to push forward in life in dedication to the greater good. Please, please pray. I need prayer for so much right now. One, please pray to help me process all of this in a healthy way, but also for the people and children that I have met. I also pray that the finical means and doctors come around to this tribal area and in all areas of the world who need help. There is so much to pray for. Our world is so broken and hurt. I pray for each one of you also that we can look beyond our bubble of comfort and strive to have a heart for the world. There is more to us then perceived happiness in materialistic goods. We can do so much more than we can imagine if we are willing to be dedicated and have a heart. I know everyone cannot just leave jobs, families, and other obligations to go change the world, but the least we can do is support in prayer. Prayer is so powerful…more than we can even comprehend. To everyone that helped support me on this journey…Thank you a million times over. It means the world to me that I do get to experience this as much as it hurts.

Day 27

Day 27

June 20, 2011

What a night/day it was. Let’s start with the night. I don’t think any of us slept but maybe 2 or 3 hours at the most. I hate to complain about having no AC, but seriously as soon as you lay in bed without any covers on and you just got out of the shower and feel drops of sweat just trickling down you leg… that’s when you know you are not going to sleep well. I have been trying to put myself in this mindset that I am in a hot yoga room or sauna and just going through a deep relaxation phase… not working. It was so hot and I think I sweated out half my water weight last night. Ahh oh well… im just blessed to have a place to sleep… although if there were not so many mosquitoes and I didn’t already have so many bites then I would happily sleep on the roof where there is at least a breeze.

            I don’t think the lack of sleep last night helped at all, but today was such a long day. Very good… just long. We had arranged a visit to another Good Sheppard School called Uddamarry which is about an hour drive from base. We will be going here for the next few days mainly to work with the heatlth care worker as well as see the success of this school that opened in 2003. I felt like royalty there. The people totally out did themselves in welcoming us. In a way it made me feel uncomfortable. First off there are about 600 children in this school over 60% Dalit. Every morning they start their day with assembly. The kids march out to the sound of a drum in perfect lines according to class level. The stand facing this stage where on a normal day selected students will read a bible verse, pray, sing a song or two, and rehearse the national anthem. Today was a special day for them… the brought two chairs out and made us sit in the center of this stage while they went though the normal drills. One thing I hate the most is being the center of attention, and that is exactly what we were. One girl gave a welcoming speech directly to us and the they brought us out bouquets of flowers! First off I was not expecting this, but it was so sweet… just way over the top. They then asked each of us to say something to the kids and pray. That was kind of nice, although I wonder how much they truly understood what we were saying. It is an English medium school, so for their age and background almost all of their English was very good! After assembly was over we got a tour of the whole school. We went into each individual class room where the kids all stood up and greeted us respectfully and then sang a song or recited a bible verse. They were so excited to show off their newly learned skills. Heck they knew more verses by heart then me! After this we got to meet with the manager of the school where they fed us mango juice and cookie like biscuits… After hearing all about the school, its background, and its ambitions we were able to go sit in on a class where I learned to write the vowels in Telugu as well as my name! I was pretty excited! The rest of the day we played on the playground and learned new games and songs as well as tried to teach a class for 45 minutes. Shout out to all the teachers out there… I have no idea how you do it… one thing I know for certain is that I do not have a calling in me ever to be a teacher. SO much respect for all of you for having to put up with us.

            The day was really nice and exciting and I felt like I learned so much. The school serves 14 tribal villages and started out in a cow shed. They have made huge progress in the community and is probably one of the nicest schools I have seen so far. I think what is difficult for me is the desire to raise support for so many different portion of this ministry, because they are all equally important. The medical side of things takes my attention most readily, but if I seriously could dedicate maybe $10.00/ month and sponsor just one of the kids at this school it would do wonders! There is so much need in every aspect and I truly wish I could help them all. I will get some more information about the child sponsoring program here and if anyone is interested please let me know! Just meeting so many of the kids I want to sponsor all of them, but one in particular grabbed my heart. She was this super shy girl who always stood behind the “popular” girls if you will, just being a friend to her younger sister. She had the kindest soul and you could tell alls she wanted was a little love and attention. I’m glad I will be spending a few more days at this school where I can get to know the community even better!

            One of the things that really got to me today though was this news paper article I found on the bullion board. There are over 39 suicides per day in the state that Hyderabad is located in. 22.3% of the suicides are driven by health issues. Many people in these areas one do not have access to proper medical care, and even if they did they do not have much money to pay for it. Instead of being a burden to their family members, many see that suicide is the only way out. Most hang themselves while the next highest percent intentionally immobilize themselves. This was really sad to me… all because they don’t have a doctor who truly cares for them. This goes to show just how much prevention work is possible in the tribal societies. There is so much I need to pray for on this trip. I wish I had the money to sponsor of support so many aspects of this mission, but for right now I think the biggest thing I can do is learn as much as I can and then use my own skills to focus on one specific issue. Of course I want to tell everyone about ALL the issues, but like me, its about quality not quantity. That is if I really do want to make an impact later on.