Day 7

Day 7
May 30, 2011
I learned so much today!!! We started the day with campus a wide devotion which was really good and fun to sing some songs in Hindi. If only I could understand it or maybe even pronounce it right. Oh well, at least it’s fun to listen to and take in all the culture. The clinic today was such a great experience with hands on learning. One of the nurses took me under her wing and showed me the steps on how to administer an IV as well as the procedure to give an intramuscular (IM) injection. In a way I still can’t believe I had the chance to do this, it feels so unreal, but in a sick sorta way I enjoy stabbing people with needles. It’s a little addicting to be honest. Okay I know that can sound really weird and maybe a bit mental, but it’s not for the reasons you may think. For the first time I really feel like I can help someone beyond just taking care of their temporary needs that only mask the true underlying factors. I am a strong believe that a person’s physical needs must be met well before a spiritual need can be met. Take the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. On the first day, Jesus fed them knowing that their hungry stomachs would distract them from hearing the word. The second day the people asked Jesus for more food, but that is when Jesus replied that his word is the bread of life. I think this is so significant for people to understand when trying to reach out to a group of people. Not only does it give me hope and compassion for the Dalit people, but it also gives me hope for my own future. Honestly medical school seems like such an impossible task that I doubt my own persistence. I have always been the person to set my mind to a certain goal and then put all my effort forward to accomplish that goal. Medical school has been an idea that has been thrown around at various times this past year, but not really something that was within my reach. I should really remember not to doubt myself, but I guess everyone has moments like that in their life. By successfully doing IV’s, Injections, and learning about different diseases I feel that nothing is out of my reach, especially if it is in God’s plans for me. I have a new goal set for myself. However, if God so chooses to take me a different direction than I see now, I am open and ready to hear Him speak. God places different passions and loves in people’s hearts for a reason. Biology and Anatomy and Physiology are obviously passions that not everyone has. Call me a nerd, but I am a nerd who wants to do more than be content with a self centered life that can only look forward to a paycheck. I want to be rich, but I want to be rich in love and devotion to serving God and helping his children that are denied the basic needs of life. Have you ever given a gift to someone and expected absolutely nothing in return? This biggest joy in that is seeing someone smile and be truly thankful.
Tonight we were also invited over to an Indian woman’s house for a meal. It was so much fun, interesting, and delicious! They feed you past your heart’s content. When your full and you say no to more food they see you as being polite and continue to pile even more food on your plate! I learned tonight from a veteran, that the trick is to eat slow…very slow. Hopefully by then the food will run out or they will be anxious to get the dinner party on to the next course. In a normal meal for Indians the intent is not to be social while dining, but rather it is to stuff your faces. The Indian host will not eat with you. They find it honorable to serve you. They even will put the food on your plate, get you anything to drink, usher you to sit down as soon as you enter the door…and you may not want to or you may want to do things yourself, but honestly you don’t really have a choice! Eventually you learn to stop arguing and just do what they tell you to do. The people are so nice that you get to know, and you can’t help but love w
ho they are. I truly wish I could capture their Indian spirit in video or pictures, but even that could not do their beautiful souls justice.

Day 6

Day 6
May 29, 2011
Today was my first experience of church on base. It is a Christian church and being there it made me reflect on so many aspects of life as well as my journey to India to begin with. About 4 years ago now I was sitting under the Colorado sky when I accepted a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Since that moment my life still has had its ups and downs, but when looking back now I would have never guessed I would be where I am now. After so many years of feeling unworthy and having no purpose God continues to remind me that He chose me! I am here in India by no accident. Never would I have imagined God using me to do His work, in India at that. The thought makes me smiles and renews my strength. The love from friends and family from back home has been essential and I want to thank all of you who have encouraged me and supported me along the way. The neat thing about going to church is to see the whole new meaning worship songs take on according to different situations… “the hope of nations”… “trading sorrows”… “ your grace is enough”… “ the heart of worship”. It amazes me to see just how universal and wide spread our faith really is. Even in the darkest or most poverty stricken nations our God still remains. He will be faithful. He is reaching out his hand to all of us…the only thing we must do now is grab onto his open hand and let Him pick us back up. The people of India who believe in Jesus are so passionate and truly live out their faith! I truly believe that God has a plan for India’s youth! He is moving and he is working! So many issues must be addressed and it may be centuries, but I am confident that the Lord is moving! Next to us in church was a group of orphans who are in the middle of a rigorous tutoring program in order to gain entrance into one of the schools here. If I were to just look at them and saw the smiles and joy that they had on their faces I would have never guessed what their background was. They love their teachers and are so eager to learn.
I have decided that Sunday’s will be a time to reflect and debrief my week here. I cannot tell you how blessed and thankful I am for my friends that I have made here. They have passion and hearts that strive to serve others over themselves. They offer me relief from the daily strains and emotions experienced here. They are a refuge that I can talk to about something I experienced and touched me, but best of all after a rough day they are there to allow my mind a mindless relief by just having a good time or exploring other areas of the city. We share the same cravings to give our stomachs relief from constantly spicy foods. For breakfast we were so excited just to have cereal…I was actually surprised that cereal does not taste of curry and spices. Indian food is good and interesting, but an occasional change that reminds you a little bit of home is always needed. We had a good time last nigh unwinding by watching Slum dog Millioraire. We all would have never imagined watching that movie in India a few years ago when it first came out. It was cool to compare Hollywood’s image of India compared to what we have already experienced and let me tell you they did not really have to exaggerate anything. Even the kids in the film are in real life from the slums. The makers of the film actually paid them to be in the movie. The little Letika in the film was actually almost sold to someone soon after the film for the price of around $300.00 American dollars. Luckily investigators found out about it, but this is just one child. Imagine how often it happens to children all around India! Please pray for our upcoming week and the people who we will be reaching out to!
With love from India,
Leah

Day 5

Day 5

May 28, 2011

Expect the unexpected…this was and is my personal motto in preparing for India and today was a time when I was really thankful to have this on my mind. It’s Saturday so we had the day off at the clinic. Another intern needed more Indian cloths for her wardrobe so we intended on spending the day going into downtown Hyderabad into the shopping district and back to the General Bazaar. The bus ride down to Paradise was nothing out of the ordinary…in the Indian world at least… but after getting off the bus to catch the next bus to the shopping district I had my first real encounter with street beggars. How can I possibly describe the emotion I was feeling? You see these widows are so frail and so desperate, but yet by giving in you are supporting an even more detrimental system of pimps who thrive off of the weaknesses of others. I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like to watch a hunched back body that is nothing more than bones grasp onto your arm begging for money and you have to without choice shake her off and turn you cheek in the other direction. Is this how Chr*st would want us to love them. Many, even me, would say no, but I MUST remind myself what society and culture I am in where less than 2% of the population is even Christians. All I want to do is be a light of Christ and be doing the work as His own hands and feet, but here I am pretending to act blind to a desperate and horrific cause. If I thought encountering the widow was hard God had another challenge for me just five minutes away. At yet the next bus stop three tiny boys with the biggest brown eyes you could ever imagine with tangled hair ran up to us white visitors began pulling on our shirts, holding out open hands in plea for Rupees (money). Right behind these three begging boys we saw a naked child laying in the shade of a tree trying to sleep. No protection. No love. No shelter. In another area we saw a very small baby being bathed on a median between two very busy streets. It is experiences like this that make you feel like you are in an awful dream. I have compassion for all the homeless, but if you think the ones back in your local town are starving to death, trust me they look fat compared to the people on the streets here. You can literally see these helpless people wasting away right in front of you.

            I cannot tell you how sick to my stomach and almost violated I felt by the end of our shopping day. Not only by the sights on the homeless beggars and the poverty around me, but the stares you try to ignore are unavoidable. You can almost see the thoughts that run through these men’s mind. This would bring me to the unfaithfulness between husband and wife due to arranged marriages, but that is a whole other subject. In Indian society, looking a man directly in the eyes for an extended period of time eegs them on, so it is only right of me to constantly look down at the ground. This has been a challenge, because I usually try to be as personable as possible, and I feel like sometimes a simple smile and eye contact is all that it takes to make someone feel that they are cared about. However, here a smile and eye contact portrays a whole new meaning. If this is the case how can I show this group of people that I care for them and love them without there being alternate meanings involved?

If there is one thing I miss about home right now it is the fresh Rocky Mountain air. For those of you back at home… don’t take it for granted. On the streets of India my sinuses are full of traffic pollution, fires burning trash, poop and pee on the sidewalks, decaying animals, curry, as well as other random and various smells. Walking back onto base is always a huge relief. Although it is busy with people and events, compared to the bustling streets outside the gate you feel like you are in a sacred holy place.

Day 4

Day 4
May 27, 2011
I really need to process all of the conversations and experiences of today. I have been trying to journal, but yet I find myself staring blankly as if I don’t even k now where to begin. Each day has been unique in its own way mainly because India is so rich in culture and diversity, but today was really more about the conversations we were able to have with people. Let me begin by mentioning something that has really been bothering me… I feel as if I am a celebrity or some sort of mystical creature here in India. Of course if you are white you stick out like a sore thumb, but the way that they admire you here almost makes me nauseated. Skin color should really not matter. Why is it that white supremacy still exists even if you are thousands of miles away from your home? If a person from a foreign nation were to come to America…they would not be admired, but judged. I was taking a walk this morning outside of the clinic to look at this heard of cows carelessly grazing and taking over a nearby field when a mother and her two children captured my attention. She was giving them baths in the water hose to cool off. They stared at me and I waved back and smiled and continued on my way. When I looked back, the mother and children had faces pressed through the gate pointing, waving, and smiling all at once… I am thankful that I am not slandered here, but because of the deeply rooted caste system I am automatically considered a higher caste because of my skin color. I find it ironic how girls in America find it necessary to pay a months or even year membership to a tanning solon to get darker skin where as Indians only hope there was a way to have lighter skin. Some go to the extremes by rubbing with chemicals as well as taking certain pill. Why can’t we all just accept ourselves for who we are and who God made us to be. My skin color does not make me a better person or any more special than another Indian woman. Trust me…after getting to know some of the women at the clinic. I have never met a group of people so kind and loving. They have such big hearts and are so beautiful inside and out. I am already dreading the fact that I know that in about 5 weeks I will have to tell them bye. Even by walking past the bus stop I cannot tell you how much people stare at you and how happy a young girl got by me just telling her hi. At breakfast this morning people were taking pictures of us and at lunch we got videotaped. Sure it’s fun, entertaining, and makes you feel special… but that’s not what this is about. This experience did not put me on a pedestal by any means, but rather it saddened me. Our conversation with the Doctor this morning was so interesting and insightful. He was born in a Hindu family, but went off to study in various counties…being well traveled he was able to experience different religions and ways of life. You may be aware that most Indians are Hindu which translates that they do NOT and will not eat meat. This doctor however loves meet of all sorts and honestly stated he is not exactly sure what he believes in. He believes in a mixture of different gods and religions. He obviously came from a high caste, but still believes in the corrupt organization and leaders in India. The Indian people do want change, but the problem is that most of them expect someone else to step up and do the job for them. Obviously it cannot be one person to change the entire Indian way of life. It is a huge task to take on, but if the government and people sincerely want change little measures must be taken. The second Doctor who came in was so wise and so struck by his journey though life. He himself was a Dalit. A Dalit person is considered untouchable… unclean… not even part of a scheduled Caste. Rejection, slander, verbal abuse, sexual exploitation, murders….the list continues, all defines the experiences all Dalit people face. From the words of the Doctor “I hate India”. I cannot say I blame him. Just two years ago a Dalit a woman was killed for touching the communities well water bucket and thus made it unclean for the rest of the upper caste people. They are forced by debt into modern day slavery without choice. Most have no hope for a better life. This doctor was the exception. He is able to hide his caste by his profession. This is VERY VERY rare. When some of his clients find out he is a Dalit though they refuse to be treated by him. So you may ask how can someone be determined a Dalit or not, but it is in the way you carry yourself, you last name, and eventually if you are lucky enough to get a decent job besides cleaning out toilets, employers eventually learn about your background. I have never felt such compassion and heartache for a group of people. I am overwhelmed with thoughts. If only I had pages and pages to write them all. I feel so ignorant to how blind I have been. Granted I have grown up knowing only knowing American lifestyle, but when will the world wake up and realize that there is more to the comfortable bubble in which we are content in living. I’m sick of being content and complacent in my life. The Indian people may be in physical poverty, but in America we are in emotional and self poverty. We are driven by money to be rich or at least give off the impression we are better than what we really are. Can someone please enlighten me the point of buying $300.00 purses and only feel comfortable going out in designer labels? I am trying my best not to be judgmental or feel resentment towards anyone, but please understand that the things I am seeing and the things I am hearing about are things that can’t be ignored in my life any longer.

Day 3

Day 3

May 26, 2011

What an Indian adventure we had today! I will start from the beginning at the day in the clinic. The doctor in the morning is very interesting in his way of practicing medicine. He uses a more Indian style of medicine which basically translates into very daring in diagnostic and prescription. He is also not very personal with his patients. He took off his shoes and had them propped under the desk and rang a bell obnoxiously til a nurse was able to scurry in to take the general readings such a temperature and blood pressure. It honestly kind of bothered me a bit watching him. The second doctor who came in the afternoon was far better. She was more patient and loving with the people who came in. She also practiced a more modern, western style of medicine. She took the time to explain to us what was being conversed in Telegu into translated English so we could understand what was going on. She also explained treatment, diagnosis, and other possible explanations. Note to all Americans…be so thankful for the quality of medical care we do receive. This morning we were taught how to roll our own cotton balls by hand. Kinds of crafty maybe, however, these cotton balls were also used on many other things that you would expect to be sanitary. The thermometer was the type we used back in the day that you stick in your mouth and what 2 minutes to read the temperature. Well this thermometer is thrown in a mason like jar filled with a solution, taken out, wiped down with a cotton ball, stuck in the person’s mouth, wiped down with the same cotton ball and then thrown back into the same stagnant solution. That was only part of it. The mask commonly used on asthma patients in the United States, was merely wiped down with a cotton ball with a slight amount of alcohol on it. Although I was not expecting it to be like the medical care and sanitation we receive in the states and other parts of the world it was still interesting to see. There were two interesting cases today that really stuck me. One was a man who suffered from his first seizure at age 40. This is uncommon and also concerning. There are several possibilities to a case such as this, but the most likely is the development of a tumor. The most saddening case today was a Dalit woman who was 6 month pregnant and was already having small contractions.  This may not seem “shocking” but if only you could have seen how tiny she was. She looked like a 13 year old, but you could tell her face was worn and tired. Her body was so frail. She also has one other child who just turned a year old. With her being 6 months pregnant already…she must have gotten pregnant almost immediately after the birth of her first child. I intend on keeping all the patients in my prayers, but for this one especially, for both mother and child. The most common cases that come into the clinic are ones that are preventable by proper hygiene and nutrition. Gastronemia is caused by the bacteria in unclean drinking water. This is treated by prescribing patients with probiotics such as lacto bacillus which is also the common bacteria found in yogurt. So put two and two together…by eating yogurt this problem can be reduced. Anemia is the lack of iron in the body. A lot of iron is in red meat, but since by tradition most people in India do not eat beef, therefore they must get this from leafy greens such as spinach or other sources, but these are not common veggies found in this region. Others are Diabetes and diarrhea…Not all , but most cases are preventable by nutrition. The problem is that the people cannot afford it. I’m curious to see if there are any organizations focused directly on this need? This area has especially caught my attention and I hope that one day I am able to contribute to help solve this crisis. The clinic has devotions every morning at 9 o’clock. It was really cool! We sang three worship songs, one in Telegue (the local language), Hindi, and then in English. Everyone in the room is banging on desks to act as drums, tapping their feet, and singing along. We then read out of Hebrews and prayed for the staff, patients, and the day ahead.

            After the clinic hours were over we met up with some of the other interns to go back to Paradise (the place near the General Bazaar). The Indian transport system is an adventure in itself. I have never been on a bus so crammed with people. I was holding on for dear life as the other Indians on the bus laughed at us silly white people. It was especially encouraging to see all the cracks in the windshield (not). After about a 20 minute ride due to the infinite amount of motorcycles, Rickshaws, buses, bikes, and people we made it to our stop. So crossing a street in India is a do or die tactic. Our motto is stick with an Indian… they know what they are doing. If you are in the road and a car is coming…trust me the car has the right away. The bigger your means of transportation the more rights you have on the road. We finally made it to Paradise Restaurant where we enjoyed Buttered Namm, Cauliflower Curry, veggie and chicken Biryanis (fried rice in an array of aromic spices), and a Lassi (yogurt drink). After our rather filling meal we finally found a Rickshaw driver who was not trying to rip us off. We shoved 5 people in the back of a 2-3 person seat. We kinda looked like we were in a clown car with feet and other appendages hanging out from all sides, but it was such a fun time. After getting back to the base and meeting some more visitors who happened to be missionary consolers we decided to call off our busy day and finally get some rest. The hot sun and go go go lifestyle tires you out quickly, but the emotional strain is far worse.

Day 2

Day 2

May 25, 2011

Today was a great day! I feel myself slowly beginning to fit in with the India culture. We had breakfast this morning eating traditionally with our right hand only. According to those who have done this much longer than me, they claim that by eating with your hands the food tastes much better because you can feel its texture and really get a feel for the food you are about to eat (literally). Our driver who picked us up from the air port also took us down to the General Bazaar to get our first Indian wear. The Bazaar is in a place called Paradise…it is not the typical tropical paradise that the word in normally associated with but for those who take time to appreciate the Indian way of life it really can be considered such a place. People are everywhere! The sounds may drive the anxious in sane, but everything is so lively! Pictures and videos can no way do this place justice! If you go to India you one rule I learned is you must act like you know what you’re doing even if you have absolutely no clue and you can’t be afraid to say no. Shopkeepers do everything they can to get you to buy from their shop. If looking at a Salwar-Kameez (long tunic like dress and trousers) they will pull everyone out of the bags and off shelves until they can convince you to buy one. If you are Indian women they often shuttle you to sit down and they bring the cloths to you…a really interesting experience. Also religious background is very evident in the different shops. In Muslim owned shops you are required to take off your shoes before entering. Today was kinda considered my shopping spree day just because I needed to get enough cloths that I could properly work in and be respectful. I got four outfits, earrings, and mangos all for  Rs 3540 (rupees) that is just around $80.00 American dollars. Alls I can say is that I am going to love shopping here. It’s fun to try and haggle prices although being white does not do you much justice here. After rinsing off and changing into our new Indian outfits we made our way down to the clinic here on base. I am so excited to begin my work here. We will be observing basic surgeries and stitching ups, but eventually we will be allowed to give steroid shots into the joints to help ease some patient’s pain. We will also be allowed to give other injections and draw blood. They also have a dental room and pharmacy in the clinic. Although the clinic will be such a great experience and training I am really looking forward to other opportunities off base. We will also be going down to different slums in the mobile clinic one being Pipe village where families live in sewer and metal pipes as their home. We may also have to opportunity to go to some surrounding villages to work in the schools and in another clinic that specializes in AIDS and HIV. I’m especially interested in the health care workers here. I feel like they really have an important role in directly helping the people mainly though basic education regarding hygiene, health, and nutrition. I really feel that nutrition is the foundation for all aspects of health. It is in Indian tradition that the man of the house eats his feel first in food til he is full, then the children, and if there is any left the women eat. Can you imagine what this means for the women in the slums who have to go though childbirth! Why do you think there are so many premature deaths in the women here! I can’t wait to be exposed even more to the Indian life and culture…I’m starting to slowly pick up on some Telgu language although I can hardly pronounce anything. I feel so amazingly blessed to be working with the people around me!!! So diverse, and so amazingly nice. We went with two of the other girls today down to the cross roads where there are a lot of local vendors and shops as well as to Spencers which is the grocer right down the street. Of course everyone stares at you because you are white, but by wearing Indian cloths it shows respect and they look at you in better terms than they would a westerner. After we got back from our short little adventure we went up to the secret kitchen and made homemade chi tea (Kristina you should be jealous) and then came back to our rooms to play cards. We had so much fun laughing and getting to know each other and how we all ended up here. I can’t help but smile upon the fact that this meeting was totally planned by God in advanced. It’s going to be hard to see some people come and go. Our recent and short term friend from Germany had to leave today to go back to his work on the mission ships. Although we only met for a short time he is going to be missed…this goodbye was only the first…I can’t imagine what it will be like to see some of my friends who have become my family leave. We are excited to start planning trips on the weekends… although we may not be able to do everything on the list I really hope we can take advantage of our free time off work as much as possible. We want to go to Goa before the monsoon season starts so we can spend some good time at the beach…we hope to go there by train, but we must book tickets a few weeks in advanced. If were really lucky we want to take a plane to Deli to visit the Taj Mahal. This weekend we are planning another shopping adventure with our friend to the “Department Stores” and back to the Bazaar in Paradise. So many things to do and see! India has a way of capturing your heart in a way you would not understand until you visit this magical place for yourself.

DAY 1

Hyderabad, India

Day 1

May 24, 2011

We arrived in Hyderabad at 5AM this morning! When we flew in we were unable to see the land, but by the time we passed through customs and got our baggage we were able to see this magical place. As soon as you step off the plane you can smell India’s distinct flavor, full of unique spice and color. The air was humid and sticky and not much AC was used in the airport for a traveler’s convenience. Once we claimed baggage we searched for our driver who was waiting for us with a sign in hand…obviously he knew exactly who we were because we were the only white people there. Okay so everyone has at least heard a little about India’s driving habits…all I can say is that my sisters driving no longer scares me. We have concluded that whoever honks the horn the loudest and most obnoxiously has the right away at an intersection. Constant beeps and shouts fill the air. As soon as I saw the streets of Hyderabad and surrounding towns I knew my life was going to change… filth and pollution are everywhere. People living on the streets is typical and not at all an unusual sight. People made permanent homes out of blue tarps, scrap metal, pipes, and even card board..Anything really. This sight was almost consistent throughout our journey to the base. My heart hurts for these people. I can already see how much I have taken for granted. The sights and sounds are stimulating. I’m on the adventure of a lifetime! When we arrived at the base we were shown to our room. Beds solid as a rock, but after sleeping and sitting in an airplane for 20 hours I think I could just about sleep though anything. We were given a tour of the base by our host and had the chance to meet several of the doctors and other interns who we will be living and working within the next 6 weeks. Everyone has been amazing! So nice and so diverse. The girls across the hall from us are from England and Canada! We have some more people here as well; we met a guy from Brazil and Germany, and a few other Brits! I love this culture that surrounds me! Everyone has a heart for the world and especially for those who have been oppressed for so long. I cannot wait to see what the rest of our journey entails! I know that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner we are having curry galore! Its so interesting after trying whole foods version of Indian food compared to the legit stuff. Hopefully we won’t get too sick of it, but we have already been informed of the secret kitchen that is hidden behind a combination lock… a well known secret of interns! We have also been invited by several of the people here who are westerners who live in India over to their apartments with the rest of the team for a more common meal if we choose. Today I also had my first encounter with a typical Indian shower. You fill a large bucket with water and use a smaller one to scoop out the water then clean yourself. I definitely manage, but alls I can say is that I am so sure that an American shower will be more than appreciated when I get back home. It might be too soon to tell, but I know my heart is going to grow so much for India and its people. I have been so judgmental before, but by being a minority I am seeing beauty in each and every India around me. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to get to know them! Tomorrow we are going into the bazaar to get out Indian clothing! It is going to be a journey in itself and I cannot wait. Until then however, I need to catch up on some sleep to make up for this 10 hour difference. Please continue to pray for the Indian people, our team and staff, as well as for the health and safety of everyone here!

From Hyderabad,

Leah Balcar

On The Way!!

 May 23, 2011

Well I made it to London!!! It’s so CRAZY that I am even here. I don’t think the fact that I am going to India will hit me til I step into a world that was only the things I imagined in my wildest dreams. I know it’s hard for some family back at home or for even people to understand why I wanted to go all the way to India, but trust me…I know God is doing something great in and through me! I have never been so sure of a feeling like this before! I am so thankful for all of you who have supported me through this… your prayers, calls, and conversations mean more than you know. The flight over here was actually fairly fast. I dozed in and out of sleep and I’m tired, but by the time I arrive in Hyderabad it will be 5AM and 2 days technically later since I left the US! I cannot tell you just how much I love watching and learning about people of different cultures and backgrounds…being in terminals surrounded by international travelers is so interesting! I refuse to let anyone stop me from living my dreams, traveling the world, learning as much as I can, and helping those who are in desperate need help. I want to learn so much on this trip about the people and culture and although I am going be there for those who need me… I know it is the people of India themselves who will change me the most. This is going to be such a great experience! I hope to keep you and all my loved ones updated as I journey further into a land that is completely foreign to me! Once again thank you all for supporting me!

Much Love,

Leah

Why Worry?

     I can hardly believe that I leave for India in 11 days!!! I knew that this time would creep up on my, but not in such a fast manner. I still feel like I want to learn so much more and just absorb myself in India's culture and history. I don't want to be the type of person who goes into a foreign country trying to relate or understand what a person is going through, when in reality I have absolutely NO clue! Books, videos, and websites can only teach me so much about what a country's culture looks like, but it won't be til I step off the plane in Hyderabad that the real culture and lifestyle truly makes an impact on me. I think one thing I need to keep in mind when I go over there is to not compare India to America. Cultures, lifestyles, religion, language, and people are all entirely different. By comparing the two so closely I believe I would come back very bitter and even more heartbroken for the the people in India for being so deprived of many of life's comforts, and even more sad for Americans who have no idea just how blessed they truly are. I feel like it will be very easy for me to come back very judgmental and critical of those around me, especially because of America's materialism.

     Before coming home from college I had the chance to have a great conversation with my roommates/best friends parents. They have gone on "mission trips" before and gave me some really beneficial advice mainly regarding my return back home. I will need some sort of debriefing session in order to fully comprehend what I just saw and experienced. I cannot wait to come back and share all of these amazing moments and stories, but I must remember that everyone I tell will not experience the same excitement or understanding as me. I cannot get frustrated or upset, because they themselves were not there to experience it. I am going to be so emotionally driven. fired up, and passionate about this cause, but that will be because I have been blesses with the opportunity to go over to India and see it all for myself. I can't get frustrated or upset...I need understanding.

    Something really important happened to me in my last week in Colorado. I was overwhelmed with things to do. I had finals, two jobs to be at, people to meet, workouts to do... I seriously had a huge burden over me of trying to get a million things done at once...oh but the best part of that whole week besides trying to be everywhere was that one my Visa for India had yet to come in, my iPod got stolen at the gym, and I was supposed to say bye to one of the best years of my life including all my friends who made it possible. Great week...let me tell ya... but anyways my roommate who knows me so well saw how frustrated and upset I was and she told me...Leah... just go for a run. I was like NO I don't have time! I have too much I have to do...she was like Leah, just go... After some convincing I of course went out running. I ran hard for two miles til I stopped and did some abs at the gazebo. Normally I am rocking out to my iPod when I run, but because I didn't have it I actually realized the beauty and sounds around me. I have never heard been so confidant in hearing God's voice as I did when I was breathing in nature and feeling the setting sun's rays on my skin. I realized that I was living my life like the first two miles of that run...going as hard and as fast as I can so I can simply "better" my self or reach my goal quicker. Why don't I take the time to slow down to listen and enjoy the simple things in life around me. For the first time I actually just walked to enjoy myself. I know this could seem dumb and crazy, but honestly by just by observing the birds darting in and out of the grass I learned so much. First off the verse about how God will even take care of the sparrows entered my head. (Matthew 6:26) If God even takes care of the birds who am I to worry. For in God's eyes we are worth way more than the sparrows. At that moment I realized how much I am trying to control my own life and how much I am worrying about things that are impossible for me to control. I am always saying I have the be at this place at this time and at that place at that time... I worried that my road trip home would be miserable without and iPod and that my Visa would not get here in time.... After that run...I handed it all over to God. There was no point in worrying or stressing over things that were out of my control. Two days before I left to come back home my Visa made it in...a day before I left to come back home I found an iPod (thanks to my generous roomie). Isn't that confirmation enough that if we are willing to let go of our own life that God will provide? By handing it all over to Him I felt less stressed, at peace, and actually had the awareness to enjoy life right where God has me. God continues to teach me lessons. I hope I can take each day with a new awareness and truly hand all my worries and frustrations over to the one who choose me to act as His hands and feet.