Day 37

 Day 37
June 30, 2011
I love Mud Fort so freakin much! How can I even describe the love that I have for this place… It is the dirtiest slum that I have been to in India. Sewage snakes along the beaten paths that maneuver their way through the small homes made of nothing but tarps and cardboard. Trash is piled up in every corner, and women, children, and men alike run around with bare feet. The jobs of nearly everyone in this slum, is to dig though the trash in search of items with any sort of value or worth. Last week everyone got a joy out of finding a plastic snake in one of the trash collections. It is not the poverty, guilt, pity, sorrow, or pain that people are suffering from that leads me to have so much compassion for them, but it is their stories, smiles, hearts, eyes, character, and the endless fountain of love that overflows when they see the clinic pull up. The medical reason why I am there is so vital to this community so I really enjoy doing that side of the ministry, but the time that I spend just laughing with the people, letting them use my camera to take pictures of each other, or teaching them a cool handshake --tops any joy that I have ever felt before.
Today it hit me that it would be my last visit to Mud Fort for a very long time. I sat in silence watching and observing the people who I have come to recognize and the ones who in turn have changed my life. Their joy running around the slum causes me to forget that their situation is not something that is normal or even acceptable in society, especially in America. I always wondered what love really was. How could it be defined? I believe there are so many different types of love, but a love for people and humanity is a feeling I feel empowered and filled with right now. I am in love with the community in Mud Fort…women, children, and even the men! I am truly going to miss them. Everything about them…their smiles, their tears, their open arms, their love, and their acceptance of me into their homes. Not every slum or village is welcoming to outsiders, especially Christians or white people, so to feel so loved in a community that I don’t deserved to be loved in means so much.
I think the neatest thing about my visits to mud fort was to compare my first visit to the last. The first time we went this whole thing was totally new to me. I was in shock of the condition and I didn’t even know what to say to the people really. We stood behind the shadows of the doctors letting them do the talking and just trying not to get in the way. There were some moments of long carried out silences just starring at each other, but when we brought out the cameras all silence and language barriers were broken. With each visit more and more relationships began to form and people actually anticipated our arrival on the huge rolling mobile clinic. Even today, as soon as we got there the kids were trying to stand on rocks or other objects that would allow them to see into the bus just to wave at us. When I got off they all grabbed my hand and showed me to the patients who we do the weekly checkups on. Of course they asked for the camera again, and after going through some of the pictures that they took… wow..They really shook me at my hearts core. Their idea of how to capture beauty is way better than I could have ever done. I didn’t want to say bye to them today. I taught the kids a handshake that kids in America would do and they thought it was the coolest thing. Normally if a kid respects you they call you “teacher” which was what I was called by our second visit, but today I was not teacher, but “Didi” which goes beyond respect, but love. It really touched me and I couldn’t help but smile and be filled with joy. I got to see a new part of the slum with new people and they were all so beautiful and so nice! They don’t deserve to be in the situation that they are in because of deeply rooted cultural stigmas. I want them to be free from the pain and suffering!
After observing on the mobile clinic and helping the doctor to the best of my ability, one of the ladies I met three weeks ago called me over. She mentioned that she wanted to do Henna on me three weeks ago, but I really just thought it would be something she would forget about. Maybe even forget me… but I went over expecting just to talk to her and she pulls out a tube of Henna. Henna is basically like a temporary tattoo that lasts for about a week or so. She did the most beautiful design on my arm and I now feel completely and totally Indian. I am so glad I had a chance to get it done before I left, because now I feel like I have experienced so much of what the culture is about. The only thing about henna is that it takes time to dry and she started the process with about 20 minutes before we had to leave to come back to base. So the whole ride back I was trying to avoid touching things or even moving really. Eating lunch was also interesting and nearly impossible, but thanks to the help of some kind Indian friends I was able to silence my rumbling tummy.
I know that I am a very indecisive person to begin with, but why can’t I figure out just how I am feeling. It like whiplash…one moment I feel like things are winding down and I am preparing myself mentally to come home, but then the next moment I am totally moved and dread having to say bye to so many people and things. My thought process is that I am still in India and have time to enjoy all the things that I have been doing, but when I finish each task or activity I can’t help but ask myself if I will ever get to do that again… I know I have a lot going for me and even more motivation now that I know I have a purpose and meaning. God is doing amazing things and each day he continues to move, surprise, and challenge me in new ways.

Day 36

Day 35
June 29, 2011
God is so beautiful and amazing!!! When I look back on memories and pictures I cannot be more moved to realize how many faces I have encountered and how each one individual has affected my life to some extent. I know God has a purpose for everything, but my new question for him is what the heck is his purpose for making me have so many darn mosquito and ant bites? I would say I don’t think I could get anymore, but we all know that tomorrow morning when I wake up again there will be even more lovely dots to add to the collection on my skin. Thanks Becky (girl living next to me) for letting me use your ant killer… I am hoping that this will at least limit the number I will get tonight. And as for the mosquitoes…let’s not even talk about it. I really just think it is a lost cause.
Today was a slow day for me although it did go by fast… I know that really contradicts itself, but the way time works here is a funny thing. Here in India everyone tries to run from place to place as fast as they can because there is so much to always get done, but its funny when you look around and just see people sitting or walking aimlessly in circles. It is one of those paradoxes that just can’t be fully explained unless you see and experience it for yourself. I went down to the clinic this morning for devotions did a little research on hyper and hypo tension and defined the difference between impaired, handicapped, disabled, and dysfunction. Sounds interesting I know right! (sarcasm). I know it may sound a bit ridiculous to be doing that sort of research on a summer holiday, but trust me when you see things like this everyday you are always eager to learn more and as much as possible! After all my fun research I went to help my good friend Washington on some of his work that he needed to get done. He is in charge of the clinic’s financial expenditure. Currently we have a pharasutical dealer who, when comparing to other companies, is over charging us a ridiculous amount. Some of the prices are nearly triple of what the real cost should be! The obvious change is to switch companies, which is a work in progress, but there is a lot of in between documentation and lists that must be completed and presented. It was interesting to see another side to the clinic besides the direct patient care. It really makes you appreciate all the work that is being done by each individual even if it is not something that you can directly observe.
Tomorrow is my last day to go on the mobile clinic to Mud Fort! I don’t think it has hit me yet all the experience that I will soon have to call my last… I really really enjoy going on the mobile clinic. Everyone on there creates the best work environment and makes me laugh non-stop amidst the suffering and poverty we endure. I think when you are surrounded by such an encouraging group of people, it is so easy to overlook and not fully comprehend the patients you are dealing with and the background that they are coming from. I was thinking and wishing today that I really could feel the power of prayer myself. I see God answer prayers all the time in my life, but I wish I could be more aware on a daily basis of His presence and that he is listening and is living in me! My new goal for this week that I wish I would have started way earlier into this trip is pray for every single person as an individual who walks into the clinic with a need, or even just a person I encounter. Of course I pray for the clinic and patients we see every day and I thank God for the work he is doing, but I really want everything to be more individualized. If God took the time to choose me and create me to such a specifically I think it is only right and fair that I treat his other children just like that. I not only think it would help the people I interact with, but I really feel like this could help me grow on my personal walk even more. I challenge everyone to join me on this experiment. Try praying for those around you as you pass them on the side walk, or hand them cash at the checkout. Everyone could use a little more prayer in their lives and why not start now? I thank God everyday for allowing me to be here despite the challenges I have been facing on a daily basis. Each day although similar in nature can teach me far different lessons each time. Thanks again for your prayers and support. I am excited to come home and really be able to share with you each individual the miracles that God has done in my life as well as in the lives of his children in India.

Day 35

Day 35

June 28, 2011

I feel like my body, computer, and so many other things really hate me right now. Not that it is quite a big deal anymore, but we have been without AC for 2 weeks or so now. Luckily the nights have gradual gotten cooler, but it’s mainly because we picked out poison and decided to get an extra breeze in the room by opening the windows without screens. Good news I have been able to get somewhat of a decent rest the past two nights or so…bad news… I now look like a leopard mainly on my arms and ankles. The mosquitoes and ants have apparently taken advantage of a free buffet. The buffet being me unfortunately. With my luck, I will be coming home with malaria. It’s not that I am sick exactly, but my body this whole time I have been here, even with working out, has not felt normal. I can’t decide if it’s the spicy food, my body fighting constantly against bacteria and other parasites, or just being under so much stress and emotion. Whatever it is that is taking a toll on me, I am ready just to feel normal again. I have been trying to take my multivitamins everyday, but no joke this is what makes me feel the most sick. I have tried so many different ways to try them, but no matter what a nauseated feeling soon follows taking them. After one point of taking them I actually threw up twice. So from here on out I say screw the multivitamins and hope that the curry of the day will have more than broth and an array of spices. I just want veggies and fruit! The bananas and mangos here are the bomb though! My friends and I after exploring the area we are in found this lady who was selling the juiciest looking bananas ever! She cut them right of the vine! This was a great experience minus the fact that shortly after an Indian man thought it would be funny to play chicken with us on his motorcycle…he definitely won. If we wouldn’t have jumped out of the way there would be no doubt in my mind that we would have been hit. I have decided I hate the streets of India. All the honking is really unnecessary and when it comes to rules… well there are none.

            I apologize ahead of time if the next week of blogs sounds so repetitive. I can’t help but think how fast time has gone and dwell on the fact that I have just a little time left. It has been a constant thought in my mind for the mere fact that there is some excitement to come home, but yet also realizing the lives, people, and culture that I will be leaving behind. Since today was officially my first day without a roomie I had a lot of time just to reflect. I have been working on my own little project in my spare time here to share with people when I get back home, and after watching it I realized how high my emotions have been running throughout this journey without me even realizing it. I have never been the type of person to wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, but the emotions I have felt here are unlike any other I have experienced before. There are filled with moments or joy, but also accompanied in sorrow. I reflected on the times that I have made mental breakdowns here and I remembered the people who were at the root of them. I hope to take so much away from my time here. Even today down in the clinic I just had to laugh on the verge of tears of how much I will miss the personalities in the clinic. Throw some Indians in trying to speak English and explain things and it is just a recipe for what we call the comedy clinic. All the personalities are so funny and diverse! I love just sitting and listing to everyone, even if it is a slow day patient wise. You have Annie one of the nurses, who is so bold in here directions with you. No fear or shame to be direct. She is one of the older ladies there with highest pitched voice ever and quite possibly the best laugh! Although she likes to yell a lot for no reason, you cannot help but love her sarcasm. Ahh then you have George Washington (yes, that is his real name)… I really think he may be the funniest Indian I have ever met! I will miss this guy so much! I can never tell is he is serious or joking, because he is always laughing! Usually at himself… but his laugh is so contagious. First you are confused at what exactly he is even laughing at, but then his laugh just makes you laugh even if it is at nothing. He is always so nice, friendly, and the life and personality of the clinic. You wouldn’t think he is as hard of a worker as he really is because he is always walking around talking to people, but after seeing what he does you learn to appreciate all the hard work and dedication he has put into the clinic. I really appreciate his spirit and the now more frequent English lessons he is giving me. Who would have thought that and Indian could give you and English lesson…. Granted I think I am still right in my pronunciation of things…don’t listen to what the Indians or British people tell you… they are still just bitter about the past. Pricilla the head nurse, although came back from holiday halfway into my journey, she has quickly became a person I am drawn to, respect, and admire. She wants to continue her education to become a doctor and has currently been working on a presentation to teach at the upcoming healthcare worker training. She is so smart and so willing to help me learn. I actually got to pretend to be her student when she was practicing her presentation on blood pressure. She helped me whether she knew it or not get though one of my roughest times here. I will miss her a lot. Dr. Rivathi has been so great! I love sitting with her as she see’s patients. She does such an amazing job translating and explaining to us what she is diagnosing and what she prescribes as treatment. When I first met her I thought she was the shy, quiet type, but boy was I ever wrong. She is a feisty one…especially when Washington is around. They both give each other such a hard time about life, work, and what each one of them says. She is so funny and always has the best comebacks. I could sit and listen to the two of them debate back and forth for hours! Dr. Rivathi is also the doctor that is primarily in charge of going to Mud Fort on the mobile clinic. I appreciate her hard work and dedication to these people. She has a huge heart for them and truly cares for their well being. Danny, the driver of the mobile clinic/pharmacist/EMT is one character. He loves the obnoxiously loud horn on the huge mobile clinic and to top it off wears the biggest glasses ever (but just when driving). He is so sarcastic as well and has a hilarious personality once you get to know him. Honestly the first time I met him I thought there was something mentally wrong with this guy, but he is so great! I have loved getting the opportunity to get to know him and be able to throw some sarcastic jokes right back at him. He really is just like a little kid in a grown man’s body. All the cleaning ladies in the clinic I absolutely adore. All of them just have the biggest smiles on their face when they see you. Although none of them speak English and I can’t understand a word they are saying, I really feel that we can communicate without words if that even makes sense to you. I know without a doubt if they spoke English or I spoke telugu that we would have so many great conversations and that I would love them more than I already do! They also bring me chi every day so that alone should make you love them! Ahhh there are still so many people I want to talk about, but I have an early morning tomorrow and need to get some sleep. So hopefully soon to come you can hear all about Dr. Baryl, Allison, Menhesh, Mary Gold, Lydia Grace, Snehal, Caliani, Jothie, and so many others! At this point I really feel like I could write a novel! Until tomorrow…Nameste

Day 33

Day 33
June 26, 2011
Didn’t write yesterday, but I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this past weekend with the girls. I think I took 4 showers and a bath within 24 hours! Seriously the best thing ever and hands down the cleanest I have felt so far in the past 5 weeks. When we first arrived at the hotel they greeted us like they would in Hawaii by giving you lays, but instead of lays they gave us pearls (fake of course). You should have seen the layout of this place! Very modern and up to date. In my sister’s words, “I would have never guessed there could be a place like that in India!” Which is very true, but only the upper castes could ever imagine affording to come here. That was one of the things I first noticed when we walked in was how different the people were in the hotel than the ones that I have been working with and getting to know in the slums, medical camps, and clinic. The personalities and attitudes were also very different, as one could expect. Instead of normal people just staring at you, we had rich Muslims and Hindu’s who kept their wives covered in head to toe in a black veil, staring at us with disgusting thoughts in their minds. Ahh some of the men sicken me here (another story about this later on). The people that worked here catered to your every need, but the people staying there were very rude and demanding to the workers. At dinner this one guy honestly could not be satisfied with one of the open tables because his view was not good enough… I get the view part, but when its dark outside and there is nothing to see anyways but you reflection…come on…really? After relaxing poolside all day and reading an entire book we were ready for dinner. Dinner was a very funny and interesting thing. I expected the prices to be high, but for India especially there were ridiculously over priced. For the price I expected the food to be way better. It was good, but the portions were tiny and I have definitely had WAY better food than that. One girl ordered something that was expected to take a little longer, but she didn’t get her food until the rest of us were done by at least 10 minutes. They ended up admitting they forgot about her meal. The girls wanted dessert, but everything they wanted that was on the menu… of course they didn’t have. Only in India… but once they finally got something that they thought would satisfy them it end results and taste was very disappointing. This hotel had a club in the bottom if so for the experience of it all we thought why not… ha well we go down there and honestly I didn’t even know that Indians could reach that size… the bouncers were huge and there was like 12 of them all crowded around which made everything super uncomfortable and awkward. We go into the club and looked around and decided that it was time for us to go for multiple reasons. We walked around and explored the rest of the hotel until we decided to call it a night back in the rooms. We watched a movie for a bit, but to end the night I had an amazing warm bath with a cup of tea! Seriously one of the best things ever. I have never slept so well in my life, or at least here in India. I “slept in” til 7. After having such a good night of actually sleeping I realized how much I have not been sleeping back on base… at least not well. For the first time I felt completely rested and recharged. After waking up to a warm cup of coffee I went down to the workout center and just did a light workout. Then I sat by the infinity pool watching the birds, the lake, and people walking by. It was such a nice time to reflect before breakfast. The breakfast was the best breakfast I could have imagined. At this point I wish my stomach was larger and I could handle more food so I could have tried EVERYTHING there. They has fresh squeezed juices including mango, carrot, cucumber, and watermelon! I finally got my mango lassie which was so good! Totally worth waiting for. Cheeses, breads, pastries, cereal galore… dried fruit…VEGGIES!!! Parata and other Indian dishes…They had so much more, but these were the basics… they also had an unlimited coffee bar where I went totally American and had hot chocolate… I think I ate way too much for my own good. I didn’t feel guilty at all until I got back to base and realized how fat I felt! I ended up going to they gym and running on a beat up treadmill for an hour. It actually felt really nice, but Sundays are supposed to be my off days from exercising. I also walked with the girls down to Spencer’s the local grocery market and I don’t know why it was like this today except for maybe me being in my gym cloths (long pants and T-shirt) but I have never wanted to flick off, yell at, and kick so many men in my life. They are all so immature honking, whistling, cat calling… ughh… makes me so sick. This one car had the loudest, highest pitched honk ever and would not lay off of it. He slammed on his breaks right next to us… stated blowing kisses and yelling then he practically ran over a guy on his motorcycle!! The poor guy flew off of it, hit one of the girls and scraped up his arm. They guys in the car pretend to care and jumped out of their car to pretend to help… After the guy on the bike finally drove off with just a few scraped we stated walking again… the car that just hit this guy… laid on his horn again…sped right next to us… made kissy faces, and stupid noises at us again! As if he had not learned already… I really just wanted to punch him so bad. All the little boys here are so cute and I just pray to God that they do not end up like their father’s or the generation above them! Honestly the men here make me sick and I don’t know if I can say that enough. (don’t get me wrong there are plenty of nice ones and a couple who have become my good friends, but nether the less… I am still sickened by some).

Day 31

Day 31

June 24, 2011

Today went by surprisingly fast. Sometimes just days observing in the clinic can go by painfully slow (especially when there are no patients), but toady in the morning I felt like there was a continuous flow of people and visitors coming in which was really nice. One lady in particular stood out to me. She was an older woman. Six months ago she was in a motor cycle accident that caused her to break her shin bone. It was still bothering her after six months of being splinted up so she came in for an evaluation. After another x-ray it was found that her bones have not yet mended themselves together again. After 6 months this is something that should have been healed. The first thing I noticed was that she did not have any crutches, so by constantly putting weight on a broken bone like this how would it even be possible for it to recover completely? When I asked why she didn’t have crutches it is because it is too expensive, she wouldn’t know how to use them to begin with, and crutches are something that are not very prevalent in India. Another reason for this improper healing is diet and it could have been set wrong from the the first splint she got. Now for this older women even to have a chance at a simi-full recovery she will have to go to a specialist (if she can afford it), and they will have to go in and break it all over again. I know that so many cases occur  where someone had to have their bones rebroken, but if you could have seen the condition of this woman I think you would agree that her frail body would be unable to handle this sort of strain again.

            Yesterday was a weird day of both hello’s and goodbyes. We have three new interns. Two more are form the UK and will be going about 12 hours south tomorrow to work in the AIDS/HIV clinic. They are also in medicine so its always nice to talk to people with similar interests. I got to know the other intern from CO a little bit more also. He just finished his first year of Med school so it was interesting to hear about how my future could look. So much studying, but very rewarding in the end. Now for the goodbye… my dear friend who has been with me though out this entire process has been such a strong woman admit her pain. She got a rash a couple of weeks ago which turned into shingles. Shingles is a very painful infection that is a mature spin off of the chicken pox. With a week left, there was no point in trying to fight the pain with getting sleepless nights and a rundown immune system. For these reasons it was the best decision for her to book a plane ticket home for this Monday. Honestly, I first thought she was joking…but I was wrong. Of course I will be sad that she is going to be leaving, but I am also glad to hear how the Lord is teaching her to let go and trust in him. After spending a month or so in the hospital after her prior mission trip, I am also glad to know that she is learning to know her limits when it comes to health. She will be truly missed her on base not just by me, but by so many people who have come to know her as a part of our family. I hope that one day we will all be able to reunite again. I am going to miss everyone here so much. Luckily though I don’t have to say bye until Monday! Until then we are going to have one amazing weekend at the Park Hotel here in Hyderabad were we will get to have a nice shower, beds, AC, workout room, nice food, and even a pool!! Ahhh I am soo excited… I’m feeling a bit spoiled of course, but I do feel blessed to have this opportunity and to spend it with such an amazing group of people.

Day 30

Day 30
June 24, 2011
I don’t really have a lot to say about today. It was just a lot of reflecting on my time here and a lot of the same questions I have been asking myself since I have been here. Today was another day that we were able to go out on the mobile clinic to mud fort. I still really enjoy going there to talk to all the people (or at least attempt too). We had a lot of staff on the clinic today which was actually really nice. I realized how much I really do cherish the relationships I have formed here. It was such good company yesterday and a nice break to all the extremely emotionally draining days that we have had in the beginning of the week. One case though that was really sad yesterday was of this 14 year old boy. He came in with a fractured/broken foot. He will need an x-ray to tell for sure, but either way he was in pain when he walked. I found out that just recently both of his parents hung themselves and he has no idea why. So now as a 14 year old he is working as a child laborer to try to support himself and his younger brother. He has no other relatives. I just couldn’t even imagine.
This weekend I am really looking forward to. One of the girls here booked a extremely nice hotel for us just to spend some last minute times together before people start to go home. I can’t wait to just go swim in a pool, relax, unwind, and process though some of the thought I have been having. I think all of the girls have been having a really rough week so I really think this weekend will be a great time for all of us to discuss what we have learned, continue to learn, struggle with, and hope to get out of the rest of our journey here. I really only have a little over a week left. Honestly home is beginning to sound really nice, but I know that I will miss the time I have spent here no matter how difficult it has been at times. One this I really am looking forward to is not sleeping on a bed that feels more like a rock, having a pillow that actually moves when you lay your head on it, and not sweating immediately even after you get out of the shower. My goal though is to take in every moment here as if were the last and make the most of it! I don’t want to spend the rest of my time here fantasizing about the comforts to come, but I rather just want to live in the moment and cherish every second.

Day 29

Day29
June 22, 2011
Although I dreaded going back to Uddamarry today for the mere fear of exposing myself to more brokenness, it actually turned out to be one of the better days we have spent there. The teachers and staff are all so friendly. We started the day out by going to the local slum that is near the Uddamarry area. The team we are with have been serving this area for only three years, but you can already see the progress they have made. Although a slum is still a slum, the area is still far cleaner than is Mud Fort, which our team just began going to this past year. We walked though the slum until we reached a shed like building that was serving as the school. Really this building was just a series of tin pieces overlapping each other and held up by wooden posts. It is probably as far as an image of school that you could imagine, but it’s not what the building looks like, but rather what is being accomplished there. There are only two teachers for about 60 students. They are only split into two groups. One is a set of younger kids who today were focusing on learning the alphabet. The other group was slightly older who were focusing on short three letter words, although some were a little more advanced than that. You can only try to teach a kid an alphabet for so long and then the attention span is just gone so the alphabet turned into me doodling figures on the white board and asking them what it was. Of course the younger ones had no clue, but they at least go a laugh out of me trying to draw things. After aimlessly sketching stick figures we moved onto just playing games and singing songs. This one song called “fruit salad” is my absolute favorite. No worries I will perform it for you when I get home and you will see how catchy it is!
After visiting the slum we made our way to the school which was still about 25 minutes away. We just sat in on a few classes as we tried to swat away all the flies that were infesting my bubble. All the other kids there though seemed hardly bothered by the fact that there annoying little creatures were circling their heads and tickling their legs. I guess when you’re surrounded by that sort of nucence every day you eventually learn to ignore it. All the kids were giggling at us… but trust me it was not funny. Okay oaky… I guess if I saw two silly foreigners swating aimlessly at their faces I might have thought it would have been just a little funny. After the classroom visits we had a chance to take a short drive down the road to the clinic that serves some of the villages. Someone told me yesterday to keep an open mind about this clinic, and boy were they right. I am glad there is something there for the people who need help, but nothing can really be accomplished but dressing small wounds and providing basic drugs such as asprin and cough syrup. Basically if someone were in a life or death situation they would be getting no help from this clinic which was about the size of a very small storage shed. The healthcare worker is not even allowed to give immunizations or injections at this clinic. In a way I honesly hardly see the point of having a clinic there without a doctore to run the place. It just adds to the list of frustrating things here. On that note one thing I am really looking forward to when getting home is having people understand me. The Indians are nice because they nod their head and pretend to understand what you are saying, but lets be honest… most of them hardly have a clue what I am saying. Boy is God ever testing my patience here.
The best part of the day came at the very end. Two of the ladies who work at the school, after getting permission, took us to the gardens that surrounded the school. It was so much fun! They picked for us the freshest of the fresh mangos strait from the tree! They were so freakin good! Mangos and chi might be the things I miss the most from India. The mangos here are unlike any of the mangos you will ever taste in the U.S.! YUMMMY! I have decided that I will eat at least one mango a day until I have to leave… I kinda wish I could just bring a mango tree home with me, but I don’t think they would let me though customs if that were the case. After walking though the forest of mango trees we walked down this gravel path to an abandoned chicken farm. There we met a family who so graciously let us wash our hands from the sticky mangos and presented us with the gift of a papaya! Such a fruit filled day I’m telling you. I looked a bit ridiculous walking back onto school grounds with a mango in one hand and a papaya in another. I have never had a papaya before today. It kinda reminded me of a mix between a watermelon and cantaloupe. It was okay, but I definitely think I will be sticking to the mangos and bananas for my daily intake of fruit!
I was so glad to be back on base tonight though. The visits to Uddamarry have been long and exhausting. I am excited to finally be going back out on the mobile clinic tomorrow with a few of my favorite people! I can’t believe that this week is already almost over. I don’t understand where time goes sometimes. We have all been so tired latly… one we all wake up early to get a workout in and the we never sleep at night because we are constantly sweating. Today after getting back from the school I took of my Indian cloths and threw on some shorts which were so comfortable, but I cannot tell you how disappointed I was to have to put back on pants to go down to dinner. I am going to go back home to TX and see everyone walking around half naked in shorts and hardly know what to do with myself. Seriously if we go to work here without a dubata (scarf) some consider it being half naked and very inappropriate… gotta love the cultural change. Also, I found out to day by some of the ladies that they can only wear jeans if their husbands give them permission. Jeans apparently show off the legs way too much. I think its pretty funny, but at the same time I don’t think I would ever let someone else control me to that extent. I like feeling free and doing whatever I want when I want (in a reasonable means of course). I suppose the freedom I have and feel at home is truly a blessing in itself.

Day 28

Day 28

June 21, 2011

I am not even sure if I can comprehend and explain everything that I saw today to give it justice. It was such a hard day today emotionally. After getting back from Uddamarry, I try to be happy and smile to my friends here, but there is not one inch in me right now that dares forget the people today who have ultimately and potentially changed me forever.

            We began today at the school just sitting in classrooms and did much of the stuff we did yesterday. The plan was to go out to the villages and clinics right away, but our jeep was out making stops to deliver books. One girl who is important later on in the events of today was in one of the classes. You could obviously see a strain in her face, but we did not find out til later on that she was an orphan and was now being watched by her elderly and sickly grandparents. When the jeep returned we made our way out to the village. Our first stop was this girls grandparents. Do you know the monkey in the lion king that holds that little stick and walks around like a hunched old man…? Well if you can get that image in your head that is how most of the elder tribal men walk around. They have no strength left in them to hold up their own body weight. Of course the people ushered us to sit down in chairs while they stood, but this time also gave me a chance to take in my surroundings. A very old woman who was SEVERLY hunched back peered across the rock wall curious to what was going on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her, with her best effort, attempt to make her way over to the scene. This is no exaggeration. When she was “standing up”, because of her hunched back she came up maybe to my middle thigh. She looked like she was in so much pain, but was doing her best just to deal with this hell like reality she was immersed in. Going back to the grandparents… They were in poor health and were in need of medicine and care, but of course the medical camps in this area only come out once a month. If they are in desperate need of course the government run clinics are “available”, but the people who work there really don’t care about the people and plus even the fees for the government hospitals are out of reach for this insanely poor tribal people. Even if they did scratch together their life savings for treatment, many doctors would refuse to treat them because they are considered untouchables. The healthcare worker we were with is good at her job, but she has had just about as much training as we have had. She as an individual can only do so much, and all prescriptions and medicines must come from a doctor. The doctors come out once a month to do medical camps, but this in turn means that people who are in desperate need of care, attention, and medicine, get it once a month. That is if they can physically get there.

            After the seeing the grandparents it first began to hit me how much we take for granted our doctors and other medical care providers. All I wanted at that point was a doctor who was focused primarily in that area who truly cared about the people and wanted to help…put all paychecks aside and care about humanity… If I thought this part was hard the rest of our visits were not to be made any easier. Our next stop was the first time I wanted to leave a scene. It was such a hard thing to experience that I was trying so hard to fight back the pain, emotion, and tears that I felt for these people. Just thinking about it all makes me feel sick in my stomach. We pulled up to this other village and I see a very old women with an extremely wrinkled face, hunched back, teeth rotting, and flies all around her. I was nervous at first getting out of the jeep because I felt like she could have been a character in a haunted house. But God bless her soul. She was such a sweet women. She showed us up to her patio where she was living and I see this grown man behind a tarp crying his eyes out because he was in so much pain and no longer wanted to live. He was sitting on the ground, both of his feet wrapped up in cloth, legs were skin and bone (one side very swollen), and his arms were reached up towards a rope so he could hold himself up. This man had leprosy. He was in so much pain. Not just did he have leprosy, but he couldn’t walk because he had a broken femur (the biggest bone in your leg). I believe he was also positive for AIDS. When you see a grown man crying out in pain like that, only wanting relief, and in thoughts of death, it does something to you that I cannot explain. I wanted to scream out to God and blame Him for making his own children suffer so much. I just don’t understand how there can be so much pain and suffering and no one to care about it enough to take action. When will the world wake up? When will I wake up from my big ideas and really take action? I am not innocent in myself absorbed nature apart from the rest of the world, but I truly hope that this moment alone remains in my mind and serves as a reminder to how and why I want to live my life. This man who was crying out in pain physically was also in emotional torture. His own children abandoned him because he was too much of a financial and physical burden. His wife was still with him though. His wife was the one who we first saw that looked like a walking corpse. When I was taking in all that was around me again I noticed that all of the fingers and toes of this woman was missing. My first thoughts were that someone cut them off, but I later found out she also was a leper. This disease had been eating its way through her flesh and has completely deteriorated her fingers and toes (that is why all the flies were surrounding her). If this were not enough, on the same patio, another elderly woman who was abandoned by family, slowly crawled up the steps. Her body was shaking uncontrollably. After asking the health care worker why, I found out it was because her body was so weak. She goes every day begging for food. She has no strength to support her body or control its shaking. I wish I would have brought my wallet or food with me or something, because without hesitation I would have emptied everything I had to give to these people. As we drove away they smiled at us though rotten teeth. At this point it was harder than ever to hold back the tears. My heart literally hurt. I was ready to go back to the school and at least take my mind off of what I just saw.

However the next turn we took did not take us back to the school, but towards another village. I was hoping and praying that it would not be as horrific of a scene that I just encountered, but God obviously wanted me to see more than I could handle. The next house we went into was a very small concrete square that was completely empty except for a tarp covering part of the concrete floor. It was a home to three women. One was the grandmother, her daughter, and then her daughter’s daughter. All of the husbands either died or left them. They were living on their own…that is not the end of this encounter though. The eldest women had a white cloudy film covering her eyes. She was staring blankly into space following the sounds of our voice… if you could not have already guesses she was blind. She had just recently fractured her ankle because she fell down some steps. The only slightly encouraging this about this house visit thought was that these three women although burdened seemed happy. You could tell they all loved each other and would do anything to support one another. No joke… right next door to them was another couple that the health care worker frequently visits. We began walking towards the door and I see a women just laying there in front of it reaching out to us with her worn and tired hands. She was and elderly women. Her top was torn into basically rags and one of her breast was just hanging out. She was reaching out to us for comfort. She also was crying out in pain and suffering. Both her and her husband are HIV positive and left alone by their children. The women can no longer walk for the pain is too great. She began to weep in agony. She told us how she also no longer wanted to live. She was ready for death. She wanted to be taken out of the sorrow and pain filled world that she had come to know. As we left I just went up to her and held her hand. No one out of love has probably touched her before. I think my biggest pain out of all of this was that I wanted the people we met to know that they are loved and that they are more then what they make themselves out to be.

Throughout this whole trip today I couldn’t help to think back on the Bible and remember the stories of how Jesus healed the lepers and other people who were on the verge of death. I wish that I had Jesus’ healing powers so much today… I know that sounds silly, which it is, but I am at the point that I need something to comfort me to know that these people don’t die thinking they are less than what they are. After seeing all of this they took us back to the school and fed us lunch… Lunch was really the last thing I wanted at this point. I needed to separate myself from the emotions I was feeling and become a brick wall. I did this by attempting the seduko puzzle in the paper and playing a cross word which I gave up on really quickly. The rest of the day I tried to put on a smile and pretend everything was okay, but in my heart I know that I am deeply bothered. When we got back to base and began talking about all we saw today my emotions could not be held in any longer. A good cry was what I needed, but my tears do not do anything to solve a problem. I think I still need some time to unwind and process, but above all else I hope I NEVER EVER forget what I saw today. As hard as it was it can serve as a motivation as to why I am going to school and what I want to do with my knowledge and skills after I acquire them. I really hope that you also get the chance not to see pain and suffering necessarily, but to experience an encounter that motivates you, breaks your heart, and gives you inspiration to push forward in life in dedication to the greater good. Please, please pray. I need prayer for so much right now. One, please pray to help me process all of this in a healthy way, but also for the people and children that I have met. I also pray that the finical means and doctors come around to this tribal area and in all areas of the world who need help. There is so much to pray for. Our world is so broken and hurt. I pray for each one of you also that we can look beyond our bubble of comfort and strive to have a heart for the world. There is more to us then perceived happiness in materialistic goods. We can do so much more than we can imagine if we are willing to be dedicated and have a heart. I know everyone cannot just leave jobs, families, and other obligations to go change the world, but the least we can do is support in prayer. Prayer is so powerful…more than we can even comprehend. To everyone that helped support me on this journey…Thank you a million times over. It means the world to me that I do get to experience this as much as it hurts.

Day 27

Day 27

June 20, 2011

What a night/day it was. Let’s start with the night. I don’t think any of us slept but maybe 2 or 3 hours at the most. I hate to complain about having no AC, but seriously as soon as you lay in bed without any covers on and you just got out of the shower and feel drops of sweat just trickling down you leg… that’s when you know you are not going to sleep well. I have been trying to put myself in this mindset that I am in a hot yoga room or sauna and just going through a deep relaxation phase… not working. It was so hot and I think I sweated out half my water weight last night. Ahh oh well… im just blessed to have a place to sleep… although if there were not so many mosquitoes and I didn’t already have so many bites then I would happily sleep on the roof where there is at least a breeze.

            I don’t think the lack of sleep last night helped at all, but today was such a long day. Very good… just long. We had arranged a visit to another Good Sheppard School called Uddamarry which is about an hour drive from base. We will be going here for the next few days mainly to work with the heatlth care worker as well as see the success of this school that opened in 2003. I felt like royalty there. The people totally out did themselves in welcoming us. In a way it made me feel uncomfortable. First off there are about 600 children in this school over 60% Dalit. Every morning they start their day with assembly. The kids march out to the sound of a drum in perfect lines according to class level. The stand facing this stage where on a normal day selected students will read a bible verse, pray, sing a song or two, and rehearse the national anthem. Today was a special day for them… the brought two chairs out and made us sit in the center of this stage while they went though the normal drills. One thing I hate the most is being the center of attention, and that is exactly what we were. One girl gave a welcoming speech directly to us and the they brought us out bouquets of flowers! First off I was not expecting this, but it was so sweet… just way over the top. They then asked each of us to say something to the kids and pray. That was kind of nice, although I wonder how much they truly understood what we were saying. It is an English medium school, so for their age and background almost all of their English was very good! After assembly was over we got a tour of the whole school. We went into each individual class room where the kids all stood up and greeted us respectfully and then sang a song or recited a bible verse. They were so excited to show off their newly learned skills. Heck they knew more verses by heart then me! After this we got to meet with the manager of the school where they fed us mango juice and cookie like biscuits… After hearing all about the school, its background, and its ambitions we were able to go sit in on a class where I learned to write the vowels in Telugu as well as my name! I was pretty excited! The rest of the day we played on the playground and learned new games and songs as well as tried to teach a class for 45 minutes. Shout out to all the teachers out there… I have no idea how you do it… one thing I know for certain is that I do not have a calling in me ever to be a teacher. SO much respect for all of you for having to put up with us.

            The day was really nice and exciting and I felt like I learned so much. The school serves 14 tribal villages and started out in a cow shed. They have made huge progress in the community and is probably one of the nicest schools I have seen so far. I think what is difficult for me is the desire to raise support for so many different portion of this ministry, because they are all equally important. The medical side of things takes my attention most readily, but if I seriously could dedicate maybe $10.00/ month and sponsor just one of the kids at this school it would do wonders! There is so much need in every aspect and I truly wish I could help them all. I will get some more information about the child sponsoring program here and if anyone is interested please let me know! Just meeting so many of the kids I want to sponsor all of them, but one in particular grabbed my heart. She was this super shy girl who always stood behind the “popular” girls if you will, just being a friend to her younger sister. She had the kindest soul and you could tell alls she wanted was a little love and attention. I’m glad I will be spending a few more days at this school where I can get to know the community even better!

            One of the things that really got to me today though was this news paper article I found on the bullion board. There are over 39 suicides per day in the state that Hyderabad is located in. 22.3% of the suicides are driven by health issues. Many people in these areas one do not have access to proper medical care, and even if they did they do not have much money to pay for it. Instead of being a burden to their family members, many see that suicide is the only way out. Most hang themselves while the next highest percent intentionally immobilize themselves. This was really sad to me… all because they don’t have a doctor who truly cares for them. This goes to show just how much prevention work is possible in the tribal societies. There is so much I need to pray for on this trip. I wish I had the money to sponsor of support so many aspects of this mission, but for right now I think the biggest thing I can do is learn as much as I can and then use my own skills to focus on one specific issue. Of course I want to tell everyone about ALL the issues, but like me, its about quality not quantity. That is if I really do want to make an impact later on.

Day 26

Day 26
June 19, 2011
Today was just what I needed and an answer to prayers. We went to a new church today called Pearl City. It reminded me so much of the huge mega churches in America (style wise), however the amount of people at most was like 100. It was nice to have a familiar way to worship and reflect. The message today was exactly what I needed to hear. It basically was reminding me how our God is the God of the impossible. Our problems and struggles are nothing for him. I just need to surrender to his will. The stress and anxiety is something that I can give to Him. I cannot do much, but trust his will and plan for me even if it is not necessarily something I could have thought of for myself. We sang one song that was saying how God will take us underneath his wing and soar above the storm. I feel like I am a spiritual, emotional, and in a way physical storm right now and instead of me fighting God I need to accept his plans he already laid before me.
I asked yesterday where God was in the spiritually barren place, but today He reminded me and he will never forsake me or his people. God was there this morning in that place and restored the emptiness that I felt inside of me just yesterday. Although there were not the numbers like you would see in a Mega church at home, there will still believers who were surrounded by a great Christian community. We met so many new friends there. Everyone was so welcoming. The thing I found funny though was how the most prevalent race was probably Indian, African American, and then Caucasian… We met this one guy who is a pilot in the Air Force. He actually went to the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs so it was really nice to have someone understand where you were coming from. He is going to be here for 2.5 years! I asked him why he agreed to come here and he most simply said he saw so much materialism America and in his own life that he really wanted to be grateful for the blessings he did have. I think this holds true for many of us who choose to come here. There are so many things you learn to appreciate from back home that it’s not even funny. I do feel so blessed to experience this as well as have to opportunity to be immersed in both the rich and poor community here. I hope that I continue to grow and get the most out of these last few weeks. I can’t believe we have already been here for a month…its going by way to fast. Now I’m really not sure what going home is going to look like, but all I know is that is going to be challenging on so many different levels.

Day 25

Day 25
June 18, 2011
It’s the weekend!! The weekends are always so enjoyable here because it gives us a chance to get off of base, away from the slums, out o f the clinic, and out into the town where we can explore and see something new. Today was no different. The five of us girls piled into a rickshaw and went down to see this Hindu temple. The Sree Venkateshwara was beautiful. It was really awkward though seeing all these Hindu’s paying tithes and praying to the fake golden statues. The only reason we went her was for the architecture and craftsman ship. It was to the extent where you were not even allowed to bring in phones, cameras, purses…nothing but yourself. This temple was pure white, made of solid marble. Of course it was not as impressive as the Taj Mahal, but still, you would not believe how detailed this marble work was. It was so pretty and it sat on top of this amazing hill where you had 360 views of the entire city. Until you see a scene like that you don’t realize how crammed of a space you are in. There were just houses, streets, and cars everywhere! Breathtaking though to say the least. There is also this lake nearby with the Budda statue in the center of it. This area seemed so peaceful—minus the fact we knew that the water in this lake is all sewage.
After the temple we walked quite a ways down to this part where you could just sit and relax of take a boat ride out to the Budda statue. After waiting for two of the other girls we finally all met up and took our little adventure to the Budda. Sure the statue was cool and all, but I think I would have been just as content with just the boat ride. After this we just walked along the path that followed the lake. It was actually surprisingly nice and didn’t smell of sewage like we expected. On our way we stopped by this really cool memorial and this water park type place. I would have never expected anything like that exactly here in India, but like I have mentioned before you have your parts that are well off, and you have you others that are dirt poor. I think it is really important to see both sides so you don’t just get a one dimensional view of India. After chilling and having a coffee on a lake side balcony we had an amazing dinner at this restaurant called water front. It was super fancy and probably the nicest restaurant in Hyderabad. However the most we all paid in American currency was maybe $8.00… seriously I wish the prices were like this in America. It’s funny though because all though everything really is so cheap you start to think in Rupee terms and are careful with the money you do spend.
We got in a fight with our rickshaw driver last night… we were coming home from dinner and trying to get back to base… we told him where it was and he offered 100Rs. That seemed like a very fair price so we agreed… half way back though he tried to bump up our price to 250Rs!!! The rule in India is once someone states a price and both parties agree it’s a done deal and you don’t change it… well he definitely tried to change it. We did our best to bargain with him and even offered him 200Rs at one point but he wouldn’t budge. So we then asked him to pull over and let us out! He wouldn’t…. I think this was part of the language barrier, but still… we eventually got him to pull over we gave him 50Rs and then had to find another rickshaw. We ended up getting a better deal out of it all anyways, but I seriously thought that this guy was going to chase after us! We were being very fair though… they always up the price for white people anyways so he would have gained money either way.
After the whole incident I was just day dreaming and got to thinking “where is God in this place..?” In a weird way I have had a difficult time trying to see God myself and I just looked at all the people we were passing by and couldn’t help but think how lost they are. After seeing the temple and people praying so heavily to them I just want God to become so evident in their lives. I know it is just cultural roots that are hard to distinguish, but if our God is the God of impossible things then why doesn’t he come and rescue His lost children? I myself have really been trying to search for God here and although he is constantly on my mind, I have yet to truly feel his presence fully here. I need him to be there as my strength and encouragement. I need him to answer questions and give me peace, but where is he? Why does He seem so far away? I hope that I feel him working in my life and that he gives me a proper direction and peace in my life. I hate to feel like I am following my own desires and not the ones He has clearly set for me.

Day 24

Day 24

June 17, 2011

My body was definitely exhausted today. I think I am just drained mentally and physically for so many reasons. There are some things right now that I really should not have to worry about, but I am. I wish I could just get it all sorted away and don’t look back at my last two weeks here stressed about things that I can’t even control at this moment. Hopefully it all gets worked out so I can put away this dumb computer for the rest of this trip minus to update this blog. I really want to be intentional about the time I am spending here my last two weeks. I know it’s not every day I get to be in India and experience this culture so I continue to thank God for this opportunity. The doctor today was very intentional about asking us what else we wanted to do while we were here. I really appreciate her taking time out to truly accommodate to our experience.

            Besides just being stressed yesterday it was a really good day down in the clinic. We saw a couple of people from Mud Fort who were instructed to come in for some extra tests. This is encouraging to see that people there do want change and they really are listening! It’s really nice to see familiar faces come into the clinic and people begin to recognize you as more than just a foreign visitor. I will definitely miss some of the relationships I have formed over here with the nurses, doctors, and friends.  I also got to draw some blood today which was really fun and exciting to learn. After taking these samples I also got to run some of the tests on them for Malaria and other prevalent diseases. I got a brief Biology review about the five different types of White Blood Cells, the five different types of malaria viruses, as well as observing and separating the components of blood. It’s so nice to be doing hands on work in the clinic again. We have spent so much time traveling, researching, and observing that we have neglected certain opportunities to get the most out of our hands on experience. Next week should also be really exciting and insightful. We will be driving about an hour everyday to go to another Good Sheppard School to work with one of the Health Care Workers. It will be nice to see another clinic and see what work she is doing up at that school.

            School has already started here for the kids. The ones that are going to the school here on base are so bright and egger to get an education. They are always running around here playing on the “swings” which are really just rope attached in between two trees and finding other creative ideas to turn playtime into fun. Every time we walk by the kids find us very interesting wondering why we are so pale. It’s pretty funny. A couple of kids yesterday ran up to come introduce themselves which was super cute and then as we were walking away that just ran up behind us, held our hands, and continued walking with us for a while… It moments like this that make you feel like you are really doing something worthwhile. I might get to only know some of the kids for a few minutes, but it I can make them smile for at least that minute I am doing my job. My only intentions coming over here was to serve and show God’s love. I wanted to be his hands and feet literally, by taking care of medical issues, but it has been so much more than that. I hope I can continue to be open minded and expect the unexpected. I am trying not to get caught up or brought down by the struggles by realized my problems are far less than the ones being suffered her every day.

Day 24

Day 24
June 16, 2011
So frustrated…why can’t I just know the direction my life is supposed to take…logic and reason takes me one place where my heart follows another…most would say follow your heart, but it never really is that simple. I want to lose myself in some happy place and stop worrying so much about expectations of this life. Why must everything be so complicated? Why do people always have to give you the run around? I want answers. I need guidance. Help is there, but you hear which way they want to persuade you just by the tone in their voice. I know it’s my decision, but when you feel split in half and torn in two separate ways how can one easily choose…? I’m frustrated…upset..looking for a sign or a clear direction, but none is being offered… I don’t know what to do…
It was Thursday which means we got to go out on the mobile clinic again to Mud Fort today. It is easily one of my favorite places to serve here. It is the slum of all slums here in Hyderabad, or so it seems. People live in crammed spaces, housed made of cardboard and other objects commonly found in dumpsters. Sewage and monsoon rains lay stagnant throughout the village. Flies swarm in all directions and you try to filter out the stench through your scarf, but it really is a pointless action. How could someone love coming to a place like this? Or yet manage to live in this mind-blowing place? But really it comes down to community and love. I absolutely love the people who live in Mud Fort. They are all so kind and welcoming…and critical (explained later on). We had the chance to go in and check up on the babies who we originally observed two weeks ago. The first one was healthy considering his circumstances, and although the second was better than when we first saw him, I am still fearful for his life. His mom had a heavy blanket on him that easily could have suffocated him and he was super thin and malnourished. His breathing still seemed pretty labored, but he still is alive so it proves that prayers are worth something.
I think the most encouraging thing today was the fact that some of the girls we met last time remembered our names. Such a small gesture, but just yesterday I was questioning just why I was here. I honestly felt like I was making no change or impact in anyone’s lives. I thought the people we have met would entertain us for the time being and then forget the white foreigners who just strolled into their village. The girls really made my day and rejuvenated my spirit to continue serving guided by God’s love. Mud Fort is not an easy place to be or process, but the people, when you interact with them, help you to forget just where you are and just enjoy their jubilant presence. After walking though the village we made our way back to the mobile clinic to begin examinations. We had a total of 29 patients in just a few hours with one doctor… it may not seem like a significant number, but with such specialized one on one attention this is a large number for a single doctor to work with in such a restricted about of time. I got to learn more about the different pharmaceutical drugs that are prescribed to many of the people. It was interesting, but also daunting to realize that I am going to have to have all of those memorized one day…yikes… but in between the traffic flow I got the opportunity to help some of the slum kids with ABC’s, spelling, multiplication, and of course doodling skills. I had chalk on every inch of my body it seemed, but at least the kids thought it was funny. The women who were helping out with the teaching were so much fun to talk to despite the language barrier…most of the conversation was pointing at me (this silly white girl) and laughing… Indians never mean to criticizes, but if they are good at one thing it is being blunt… “sit..come…eat…drink…do this…do that” please and thank you are not in their vocabulary… it drives you insane sometime but you eventually have to learn to laugh and love it. Today was another one of those day that I just had to laugh at their bluntness… first and foremost my feather extensions in my hair… they think it is the absolute weirdest thing. When they first see it they all think I have some abnormal hair growth coming from my head…they when they realize its just clipped in they think its quite amusing and maybe a bit weird. Today I got asked why I was so tall…they continued to ask what I drank to make me so tall… I kinda got the vibe that they didn’t understand the concept of genes. Oh and they commented on my apparently long nose… this one I really had to hold in my laughs… They found it funny that I was not wearing a gold necklace…why I was only wearing one anklet instead of two and why it was silver instead of gold… ahhh and how could I forget their amusement at the sight of my skin turning red when I get pinched (yes…they were pinching me) Oh there is a whole list of things that I get criticized for here, but hey if you can’t laugh at yourself every once in a while then what fun would life be?

Day 23

Day 23

June 15, 2010

I try to go to bed, but it seems as soon as I lay down to sleep so many thoughts rush through my head. It was so good to hear familiar voices yesterday. People are so encouraging and keep me motivated when things are tougher than usual. Not only did I get to talk to some great people over skype… you know who you are…  but also just chatting  it up with some people that I miss and almost know me better than I know myself. I truly am greatful for everyones support, prayers, and even just by reading this blog. I feel so passionate about  some of the issues here and its nice to know that peple back home are curious or at least seem to care. When I go home I’m not exactly sure what things will look like, but I am hoping the transition is easier than I am anticipating. Were already almost done with yet another week and before I know it, it will be time for me to pack up and prepare for  a long journey back to the states. Sure there are some things about home that I miss and are looking forward too, but once I am home I know I am going to miss this place far more than I realize (maybe not the curry).

            Monsoon season began today!!! I was just chilling in the room doing a little bit of research and you just here this amazing downpour! Ahh such a huge relief from the almost unbearable heat! The weather is a lot cooler, but now I suppose I need to be more intentional about bug spray. The mosquitoes are out and about and the last thing I want or need is a case of malaria.

            Although I cannot say much about what we did today just for confidentiality reason I will say it was really nice to see just what the Anti-Human Trafficking Department is up to. They have done such a nice job educating those who would have otherwise have to fend for themselves. The kids we met were so beautiful, smart, and joyful. They came in knowing no English, but now that is their favorite subject and they speak it quite well. It was interesting to see what jobs they were interested in doing. The three and only three jobs they mentioned were doctor, teacher, and collector. I love their ambitious nature, but it goes to show that everyone, no matter where you are in the world dreams of a life full of prosperity, purpose, and meaning. I cannot wait to see what the future now brings for these kids! They are in such good hands and have so much going for them now.

            I am really looking forward to tomorrow. We’re going back to Mud Fort, which is one of the slums, on the mobile clinic. I love goint to different areas around Hyderabad and India just too see what is beyond the walls of the clinic and really be reminded of my purpose here. Its so easy to overlook the poverty and suffering because so much of it is just the normality of life here. I hope I never see it as “normal”… I know its just culure here, but the people here deserve so much more. Despite their directness and strait forward nature I love who they are… their hospitality and kind hearts. I am no better than anyone here. The fact that they admire any westerners skin still bothers me in a sense. I just want them to feel love for who they are and who God made them to be. Sometimes I feel like I should take my own words of advice, but more so than anything on this trip God is really teaching me about myself and the intentions of my own heart. I wish I knew more… I wish I knew all the answers… and I wish it wasn’t always so difficult, but I suppose it’s a good thing I always like challenges. I feel like I could write about so much more, but maybe I will just save if for another day. I think its about time I try to get some sleep.

Day 22

Day 22
June 14, 2011
Today was a much better day than it was yesterday although a little depressing as well. The first depressing thing was planning out our final three weeks here. Three weeks is a fairly good amount of time, but with all the things we still want to accomplish it is going to go by so fast! I do not have the entire list in front of me to tell you exactly what the plans will be for the next few weeks, but tomorrow we plan on going to the shelter to learn more about the Anti-Human Trafficking Department. It will be great to see another issue that in a way goes hand in hand with the medical aspect. Every Thursday from here on out we hope to go out to the slums on the mobile clinic. I really enjoyed being able to do that a few weeks back. I can’t wait to go back and really be able to see the people who we worked with last time and to see if their condition has improved at all. Next week or the week after we plan to go up to another clinic and school to work with one of the health care workers. We want to go work with the slum ministry at least one last time to see a different area that is a combination of both Hindu and Muslim religion, and if that were not enough to do in our final weeks here we are both working on some research from our Rajasthan trip. My friend is doing an amazing job so far breaking down numbers, stats, and influences that are contributing to the situation in rural India. I am working on studying malnutrition in rural areas and what are the best steps to control this huge issue.
The doctor who has been by our side this entire trip is leaving tomorrow morning. I am being selfish when I say I really don’t want her to go back to England, but she really doesn’t want to go either. She has been working really hard on developing a successful clinic up in Rajasthan, but I know today has been really discouraging for her. She keeps being told from people that her clinic will never work in such a rural area. Her parents keep telling her that she is wasting her life and education by being in India. They would much prefer her to live in a mansion, get married, and have kids. I love her driven nature and unwillingness to compromise God’s plan for her life. She has had so many confirming signs that this is where the Lord has called her to be, and if you are in love with India as much as she is, there is no way that you should settle for other plans that people have laid out for you thinking that they know what is best. India would not be an easy place to live. She feels so much at home here loves the strange and unpredictable culture. So many things can happen in one day. So much pain, hurt, and sorrow, but a drive to change that and make a difference in this land is truly a gift. I just hope she knows that.
The kids from the trip to Rajasthan are still on my mind. Literally starving… After we left and the doctors stayed behind one more day to continue meeting with people they went to a government ran hospital. The conditions they explained were horrendous… they saw a half dead baby where they attempted CPR because the other nurses were sitting around without a care in the world. This sight obviously affected them. However more people I have talked to about the situation keep saying that the baby would have been better off dead anyways… who says that really! It’s so sad that this is just a normal reality. With the lack of oxygen the baby was receiving, it was very likely that a mental handicap would have been present later on in life, and if its caste were not already a curse… this could be far worse. Another reason the baby would be better off dead apparently was because of the lack of food. By the way… this is not coming from the doctors I work with, but the local people of this area… It’s depressing to think about and sad that this is just the truth of daily life. So please keep the people of this area in your prayers. At most a working man may make 60 rupees per day which translates into about $1.25 American dollars. Could you imagine living off of that… seriously count your blessings and think about the last time you complained about being hungry or not being able to get the coolest new gadget… I know I am so grateful although I still feel so bad for how spoiled I really am for having certain luxuries here that many don’t have.

Day 21

Day 21

June 13, 2011

I feel a change of attitude, pace, and purpose in the second half of this journey. Deep and raw emotions that not even I can comprehend are being exposed and in a way I’m not really sure what the proper way to cope is. It is a frustrating thing when you yourself cannot even fully describe what exactly your heart is feeling or the experiences you are having. The first half of this journey to India has really been about serving others as best to my ability in any way possible and just discovering how blessed I am to have the things I do. I feel fine with the culture now although so many things about it still bother me, but the underlying point is that I have learned how to manage. I’m not scared or nervous to walk to places down the street with a few people or even around base alone. I think what my heart is desperately searching for is a quiet place. The room has been my place of comfort to come back and rest, but I find myself unable to sit still. Today though for the first time I found a roof top area that is my new refuge when I need space. You notice how much you long for fresh air. You realize how much you miss the silence of just a gently breeze. Even on the roof top and in the room you can almost always hear some commotion going on although we are a ways off the main road. You hear autos honking, tires screeching, whistles blowing, and occasionally if your lucky you can hear the birds chirping (mainly in the morning). Early morning and sunset are my favorite times here. The mornings are cool and the base is more peaceful than usual. The sunset always puts me at awe and allows me to reflect of the day and process everything I have been through. Recently the processing has been hard. I have been thinking about my whole life, what I have been though and experienced and have wondered just how I ended up here. It is hard to know that God brought me here for a reason…a few things have been really beneficial to me to learn and know, but I still have no clue just what God wants me to do. In a weird way I came here expecting to be God’s hands and feet and literally care for the needs of others, but what I haven’t realized that God has really used my time here to work on me. These feelings would have never been brought up while in the comfort of my home. I usually do not mind sharing stuff, but when I get back I would love to meet up and talk to tell you more about what I have been experiencing at this moment. It’s is just too personal for me right now to tell at this moment.

            One of the doctors is leaving to go back home to England on Wednesday. She comes and goes to India every three months---back and forth. I’m surprised she doesn’t have whip lash. She will truly be missed though. I cannot be more thankful to have her here at the begging when we arrived mainly for the fact that she made the transition so much easier. She has been such a blessing and help to so many people here. It will be a different environment on base and in the clinic when she is gone. She had been largely responsible for planning our time here and just scheduling us to meet up with different people in order to get the most out of our experience. We went to a Daba tonight for her going away party if you will. A daba is basically an outdoor family restaurant where the food is more like Indian BBQ and super cheap. We had so much to eat and my mouth was on fire… I am pretty sure I will need some sort of reconstructive surgery when I get home to replace the lining that is slowly being degraded in my intestines. The one good thing about super spice food I think it makes you think you eat more than what you really do. I seriously can eat like a table spoon of what is being served and then the nann. Tonight I sucked it up though and had to try like a table spoon of everything that was on the table. Super good until my water ran out… the only thing left to cool my mouth was the rice and trust me after eating it every single day here it is the absolute last thing I want to eat when I get back. Its about time for me to go to bed but of course our AC is not working again… just laying here I am sweating. Let’s hope it miraculously turns on again in the middle of the night, but like anything else I am doubtful. Please continue praying for the Dalit people, the malnourished population, for the potential staff at the new clinic in Rajasthan, and for my own refuge and understanding. All is great fully appreciated.