Day 4

Day 4
May 27, 2011
I really need to process all of the conversations and experiences of today. I have been trying to journal, but yet I find myself staring blankly as if I don’t even k now where to begin. Each day has been unique in its own way mainly because India is so rich in culture and diversity, but today was really more about the conversations we were able to have with people. Let me begin by mentioning something that has really been bothering me… I feel as if I am a celebrity or some sort of mystical creature here in India. Of course if you are white you stick out like a sore thumb, but the way that they admire you here almost makes me nauseated. Skin color should really not matter. Why is it that white supremacy still exists even if you are thousands of miles away from your home? If a person from a foreign nation were to come to America…they would not be admired, but judged. I was taking a walk this morning outside of the clinic to look at this heard of cows carelessly grazing and taking over a nearby field when a mother and her two children captured my attention. She was giving them baths in the water hose to cool off. They stared at me and I waved back and smiled and continued on my way. When I looked back, the mother and children had faces pressed through the gate pointing, waving, and smiling all at once… I am thankful that I am not slandered here, but because of the deeply rooted caste system I am automatically considered a higher caste because of my skin color. I find it ironic how girls in America find it necessary to pay a months or even year membership to a tanning solon to get darker skin where as Indians only hope there was a way to have lighter skin. Some go to the extremes by rubbing with chemicals as well as taking certain pill. Why can’t we all just accept ourselves for who we are and who God made us to be. My skin color does not make me a better person or any more special than another Indian woman. Trust me…after getting to know some of the women at the clinic. I have never met a group of people so kind and loving. They have such big hearts and are so beautiful inside and out. I am already dreading the fact that I know that in about 5 weeks I will have to tell them bye. Even by walking past the bus stop I cannot tell you how much people stare at you and how happy a young girl got by me just telling her hi. At breakfast this morning people were taking pictures of us and at lunch we got videotaped. Sure it’s fun, entertaining, and makes you feel special… but that’s not what this is about. This experience did not put me on a pedestal by any means, but rather it saddened me. Our conversation with the Doctor this morning was so interesting and insightful. He was born in a Hindu family, but went off to study in various counties…being well traveled he was able to experience different religions and ways of life. You may be aware that most Indians are Hindu which translates that they do NOT and will not eat meat. This doctor however loves meet of all sorts and honestly stated he is not exactly sure what he believes in. He believes in a mixture of different gods and religions. He obviously came from a high caste, but still believes in the corrupt organization and leaders in India. The Indian people do want change, but the problem is that most of them expect someone else to step up and do the job for them. Obviously it cannot be one person to change the entire Indian way of life. It is a huge task to take on, but if the government and people sincerely want change little measures must be taken. The second Doctor who came in was so wise and so struck by his journey though life. He himself was a Dalit. A Dalit person is considered untouchable… unclean… not even part of a scheduled Caste. Rejection, slander, verbal abuse, sexual exploitation, murders….the list continues, all defines the experiences all Dalit people face. From the words of the Doctor “I hate India”. I cannot say I blame him. Just two years ago a Dalit a woman was killed for touching the communities well water bucket and thus made it unclean for the rest of the upper caste people. They are forced by debt into modern day slavery without choice. Most have no hope for a better life. This doctor was the exception. He is able to hide his caste by his profession. This is VERY VERY rare. When some of his clients find out he is a Dalit though they refuse to be treated by him. So you may ask how can someone be determined a Dalit or not, but it is in the way you carry yourself, you last name, and eventually if you are lucky enough to get a decent job besides cleaning out toilets, employers eventually learn about your background. I have never felt such compassion and heartache for a group of people. I am overwhelmed with thoughts. If only I had pages and pages to write them all. I feel so ignorant to how blind I have been. Granted I have grown up knowing only knowing American lifestyle, but when will the world wake up and realize that there is more to the comfortable bubble in which we are content in living. I’m sick of being content and complacent in my life. The Indian people may be in physical poverty, but in America we are in emotional and self poverty. We are driven by money to be rich or at least give off the impression we are better than what we really are. Can someone please enlighten me the point of buying $300.00 purses and only feel comfortable going out in designer labels? I am trying my best not to be judgmental or feel resentment towards anyone, but please understand that the things I am seeing and the things I am hearing about are things that can’t be ignored in my life any longer.