Why Worry?

     I can hardly believe that I leave for India in 11 days!!! I knew that this time would creep up on my, but not in such a fast manner. I still feel like I want to learn so much more and just absorb myself in India's culture and history. I don't want to be the type of person who goes into a foreign country trying to relate or understand what a person is going through, when in reality I have absolutely NO clue! Books, videos, and websites can only teach me so much about what a country's culture looks like, but it won't be til I step off the plane in Hyderabad that the real culture and lifestyle truly makes an impact on me. I think one thing I need to keep in mind when I go over there is to not compare India to America. Cultures, lifestyles, religion, language, and people are all entirely different. By comparing the two so closely I believe I would come back very bitter and even more heartbroken for the the people in India for being so deprived of many of life's comforts, and even more sad for Americans who have no idea just how blessed they truly are. I feel like it will be very easy for me to come back very judgmental and critical of those around me, especially because of America's materialism.

     Before coming home from college I had the chance to have a great conversation with my roommates/best friends parents. They have gone on "mission trips" before and gave me some really beneficial advice mainly regarding my return back home. I will need some sort of debriefing session in order to fully comprehend what I just saw and experienced. I cannot wait to come back and share all of these amazing moments and stories, but I must remember that everyone I tell will not experience the same excitement or understanding as me. I cannot get frustrated or upset, because they themselves were not there to experience it. I am going to be so emotionally driven. fired up, and passionate about this cause, but that will be because I have been blesses with the opportunity to go over to India and see it all for myself. I can't get frustrated or upset...I need understanding.

    Something really important happened to me in my last week in Colorado. I was overwhelmed with things to do. I had finals, two jobs to be at, people to meet, workouts to do... I seriously had a huge burden over me of trying to get a million things done at once...oh but the best part of that whole week besides trying to be everywhere was that one my Visa for India had yet to come in, my iPod got stolen at the gym, and I was supposed to say bye to one of the best years of my life including all my friends who made it possible. Great week...let me tell ya... but anyways my roommate who knows me so well saw how frustrated and upset I was and she told me...Leah... just go for a run. I was like NO I don't have time! I have too much I have to do...she was like Leah, just go... After some convincing I of course went out running. I ran hard for two miles til I stopped and did some abs at the gazebo. Normally I am rocking out to my iPod when I run, but because I didn't have it I actually realized the beauty and sounds around me. I have never heard been so confidant in hearing God's voice as I did when I was breathing in nature and feeling the setting sun's rays on my skin. I realized that I was living my life like the first two miles of that run...going as hard and as fast as I can so I can simply "better" my self or reach my goal quicker. Why don't I take the time to slow down to listen and enjoy the simple things in life around me. For the first time I actually just walked to enjoy myself. I know this could seem dumb and crazy, but honestly by just by observing the birds darting in and out of the grass I learned so much. First off the verse about how God will even take care of the sparrows entered my head. (Matthew 6:26) If God even takes care of the birds who am I to worry. For in God's eyes we are worth way more than the sparrows. At that moment I realized how much I am trying to control my own life and how much I am worrying about things that are impossible for me to control. I am always saying I have the be at this place at this time and at that place at that time... I worried that my road trip home would be miserable without and iPod and that my Visa would not get here in time.... After that run...I handed it all over to God. There was no point in worrying or stressing over things that were out of my control. Two days before I left to come back home my Visa made it in...a day before I left to come back home I found an iPod (thanks to my generous roomie). Isn't that confirmation enough that if we are willing to let go of our own life that God will provide? By handing it all over to Him I felt less stressed, at peace, and actually had the awareness to enjoy life right where God has me. God continues to teach me lessons. I hope I can take each day with a new awareness and truly hand all my worries and frustrations over to the one who choose me to act as His hands and feet.