Day 24

Day 24
June 16, 2011
So frustrated…why can’t I just know the direction my life is supposed to take…logic and reason takes me one place where my heart follows another…most would say follow your heart, but it never really is that simple. I want to lose myself in some happy place and stop worrying so much about expectations of this life. Why must everything be so complicated? Why do people always have to give you the run around? I want answers. I need guidance. Help is there, but you hear which way they want to persuade you just by the tone in their voice. I know it’s my decision, but when you feel split in half and torn in two separate ways how can one easily choose…? I’m frustrated…upset..looking for a sign or a clear direction, but none is being offered… I don’t know what to do…
It was Thursday which means we got to go out on the mobile clinic again to Mud Fort today. It is easily one of my favorite places to serve here. It is the slum of all slums here in Hyderabad, or so it seems. People live in crammed spaces, housed made of cardboard and other objects commonly found in dumpsters. Sewage and monsoon rains lay stagnant throughout the village. Flies swarm in all directions and you try to filter out the stench through your scarf, but it really is a pointless action. How could someone love coming to a place like this? Or yet manage to live in this mind-blowing place? But really it comes down to community and love. I absolutely love the people who live in Mud Fort. They are all so kind and welcoming…and critical (explained later on). We had the chance to go in and check up on the babies who we originally observed two weeks ago. The first one was healthy considering his circumstances, and although the second was better than when we first saw him, I am still fearful for his life. His mom had a heavy blanket on him that easily could have suffocated him and he was super thin and malnourished. His breathing still seemed pretty labored, but he still is alive so it proves that prayers are worth something.
I think the most encouraging thing today was the fact that some of the girls we met last time remembered our names. Such a small gesture, but just yesterday I was questioning just why I was here. I honestly felt like I was making no change or impact in anyone’s lives. I thought the people we have met would entertain us for the time being and then forget the white foreigners who just strolled into their village. The girls really made my day and rejuvenated my spirit to continue serving guided by God’s love. Mud Fort is not an easy place to be or process, but the people, when you interact with them, help you to forget just where you are and just enjoy their jubilant presence. After walking though the village we made our way back to the mobile clinic to begin examinations. We had a total of 29 patients in just a few hours with one doctor… it may not seem like a significant number, but with such specialized one on one attention this is a large number for a single doctor to work with in such a restricted about of time. I got to learn more about the different pharmaceutical drugs that are prescribed to many of the people. It was interesting, but also daunting to realize that I am going to have to have all of those memorized one day…yikes… but in between the traffic flow I got the opportunity to help some of the slum kids with ABC’s, spelling, multiplication, and of course doodling skills. I had chalk on every inch of my body it seemed, but at least the kids thought it was funny. The women who were helping out with the teaching were so much fun to talk to despite the language barrier…most of the conversation was pointing at me (this silly white girl) and laughing… Indians never mean to criticizes, but if they are good at one thing it is being blunt… “sit..come…eat…drink…do this…do that” please and thank you are not in their vocabulary… it drives you insane sometime but you eventually have to learn to laugh and love it. Today was another one of those day that I just had to laugh at their bluntness… first and foremost my feather extensions in my hair… they think it is the absolute weirdest thing. When they first see it they all think I have some abnormal hair growth coming from my head…they when they realize its just clipped in they think its quite amusing and maybe a bit weird. Today I got asked why I was so tall…they continued to ask what I drank to make me so tall… I kinda got the vibe that they didn’t understand the concept of genes. Oh and they commented on my apparently long nose… this one I really had to hold in my laughs… They found it funny that I was not wearing a gold necklace…why I was only wearing one anklet instead of two and why it was silver instead of gold… ahhh and how could I forget their amusement at the sight of my skin turning red when I get pinched (yes…they were pinching me) Oh there is a whole list of things that I get criticized for here, but hey if you can’t laugh at yourself every once in a while then what fun would life be?